YOU SUCK

Although certainly not Christopher Moore’s best work, YOU SUCK certainly holds the reader’s interest, with the additional bonus of being a sequel-of-sorts to BLOOD SUCKING FIENDS, his tale of vampirism in present day San Francisco.

For those who’ve read Blood Sucking Fiends, the story will be familiar terrain. If you haven’t, it’s probably not that big of a deal, as You Suck does stand alone as a self-contained novel. But those who’ve read Blood Sucking Fiends will get the past, comedic barbs that Moore so loves to play around with in this newest novel.

You Suck is about three basic people. Well ...not basic. Some of them are vampires. One of these is the hot-bodied redhead, Jodi. New to the undead realm thanks to the bite of an ancient vampire named Elijah, Jodi feels lonely and in need of companionship. Enter Thomas Flood, whom Jodi turns from human to non-human in the "bat" of an eye. Thomas and Jodi are in love, but this goes a little beyond that. Thomas is initially incensed at her attack on his humanness. But he has to deal with it and so he begins to learn the ways of the night. Problems quickly arise, however, when our two new vamps realize that they need a minion, someone to watch over them during their daytime slumbers. Welcome aboard sixteen-year-old Abby Normal (Young Frankenstein, anyone?), a wannabe undead gothster who falls for "Lord Flood" and tries to understand (often wrongfully) about the lives of vampires.

When Elijah — who was imprisoned in a bronze cast by Jodi — escapes from his bonds, all hell starts breaking loose.

The Animals, the name given to Thomas’ old coworkers at a local Safeway, return from a raucous time in Las Vegas only to discover that their old buddy, Thomas, is a vampire. Not good. And with the Animals comes a blue hooker. That’s not "blue" in the sense of depression, but blue as in the color of her skin. Draining the Animals of almost all their funds, Thomas’ friends beseech him to loan them some more money so that they can continue partying with Blue.

But Blue discovers something quickly about Thomas. She knows he’s a blood sucker and wants to become one herself. With the help of the Animals, Thomas is locked away into a rather dominatrix situation with Blue. When Thomas awakens and then bites Blue, another problem vampire is added to San Francisco’s streets. Then the Animals begin disappearing or turning into the undead. But is Blue the only one responsible for this? What has Elijah been doing?

Needless to say, the story is entertaining and a suitably quick read. The biggest letdown is that the laughs are spread too far apart compared to previous Moore works. Although there are some gut-busting moments (mostly having to do with Abby Normal’s diary entries), the main heft of the story isn’t given over to enough comedic moments.

Even so, Chris Moore fans will eat up (pun intended) this latest installment by an author who knows how to keep his readers interested. But new readers? We’ll have to see.