"The Fanatic"

PERDIDO STREET STATION

2008-02-16T15:14:00.000-08:00

Trying to review PERDIDO STREET STATION is like trying to explain how the cosmos looks to a blind man; you just have to see it for yourself ...somehow.

Equal parts horror, science fiction, fantasy, and slipstream, Perdido is an incredibly broad novel, covering everything from genetic mutation to magic, and author China Mieville does it all within one town, New Crobuzon, a city of creatures known, unknown and previously unimaginable.

In the simplest terms, it is the story of two characters: Isaac, a scientist who learns about something called "crisis math" which would allow for the resolution and fixing of just about everything; and about Yagharek, a species of flying creatures known as garuda (no, it’s not a type of cheese) who was punished by having his wings brutally removed secondary to a crime he committed amongst his kin. When Yagharek asks Isaac to find a way to make him fly again, Isaac becomes obsessed with the idea. Surrounded by his khepri (half human/half insectile) girlfriend named Lin, a militia that squashes its people like ...bugs, and a group of flying slake-moths determined to eat the minds of anyone who dreams, Isaac and all who become associated with him are headed straight for danger and persecution.

The weaving of an incredible facet of characters and surroundings makes this novel feel epic in scope. A map at the beginning of the book can be used (and recommended) in order to orient the reader to various locales that Mieville frequently refers to (including river byways, railways, streets, and slums).

The horrors of a dictatorial-type government with the capability to "remake" its citizens as punishment is also a pivotal point in the book. Remaking is the process of altering one’s physical and genetic makeup. For instance, if someone were to kill their child, the government could attach the dead child’s arms to their forehead, appendages they’ll carry around for the rest of their life. It also allows Parliament (as they see it) to build unique fighters amongst their militia, enabling those in power to brutalize its citizens.

Although I’ve spelled out a few items contained within Perdido Street Station, I’ve really just brushed the surface. It is a multi-genre, multi-species, and multi-brainbusting novel that enraptures readers and pulls them in. Don’t be surprised, though, if you find yourself scratching your head on occasion and saying, "WTF?" The weirdness of it will probably require at least a few head gouges from anyone. But that’s what makes it so engrossing. You keep reading so that you’ll understand what these characters are and how this society functions under the weight of a near nightmare dreamscape that all culminates at a place known as Perdido Street Station.

ELLA MINNOW PEA

2008-01-04T11:22:00.000-08:00

A book for linguists, logo-rhythmic lovers and political satirists, Ella Minnow Pea doesn't just make plays on words, but on letters.

Taking place on the fictional island of Nollop (an autonomous nation of letter writing lovers off the coast of South Carolina and named after Nevin Nollop who coined the pangram "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog"), readers are introduced to this (initally) utopian society that has shunned technology and has an Office of High Council members who become dictatorial when tiles placed nearly 100 years ago on a cenotaph of Nevin Nollop begin falling off. These tiles are letters that spell out Nollops famous aforementioned pangram.. The first letter to fall was a "Z" from "lazy" and the High Council (in all it's venerated wisdom towards Lord Nollop) decide that it's a sign from Heavenly Nollop himself that they are to strike the letter Z from all correspondences and speech. Libraries are divested of any books that contain the offending consonant. Punishments/laws are laid out for those who use it (1st offense: warning. 2nd offense: flogging or being placed in a headstock in full public view. 3rd offense: banishment from the island. Refusal to leave the island shall be punishable by death), and anyone whose name has a Z in it must change it.

It all seems a bit ridiculous and inconvenient, but most Nollopians go with it on the off-chance that the council is correct. But then more tiles begin falling and more letters deleted from the islanders lexicon. People rip through 1st, 2nd, and 3rd offenses. Families are torn asunder or removed from the island completely by its militaristic henchmen who are guided by the Council.

But what if the Council is wrong? What if it's just wear and time that've caused the tiles to break loose and not some otherworldly message from Lord Nollop? Nonsense, says the Council. It's a sign.

As more and more families are forced to leave their Island sanctuary, the Council becomes greedy by confiscating the evacuated landholdings left behind and claiming it in the name of governmental need.

A challenge is finally put forth to disprove Nevin Nollops saintliness by coming up with a new pangram shorter than the original. But can it be done in time to save the island and its inhabitants?

The comedy is pretty high in Ella Minnow Pea. Told via letters written to various Nollopians, author Mark Dunn eliminates the lost consonants and vowels from his narrative as the story progresses and tiles are lost; a funny set of narratives that becomes a challenge as the story evolves. Example: months and days of the week are renamed with hilarious abandon ("Sunshine, Octane 22" ...That's Sunday, October 22).

Politically the focus is on the dangers of letting something truly ridiculous become accepted practice. But the narrative is handled so well that the nature of the story doesn't seem ridiculous at all. Mr. Dunn is in complete control of his twisted wording and language challenges, which makes Ella Minnow Pea such a unique and enjoyable read.

VINNIE'S HEAD

2008-01-04T10:09:00.000-08:00

Johnnie LoDuco isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer but he does have dumb luck on his side. After fishing best friend Vinnie’s head out of a river near Long Island, Johnnie finds himself in a real pinch. Already on the lam from the cops for a convenience store heist he didn’t commit, he now has to decide what to do with his buddies disembodied body part.

The head is the driving force behind everything else that happens in the story. Johnnie carries the head around, locks it in a freezer, even stuffs it in a carrying cooler. And death follows the head. Gangsters, a beautiful fem fatale named Jennifer Smeals, dirty cops, and a pretty young thing that Johnnie falls for named Patrice. On top of this, Johnnie has to try and avoid a bounty hunter named Stosh who’s dedication to his profession astonishes both character and reader.

But why is everyone interested in the head? Especially Jennifer Smeals and a local thug named Malatesta? Close examination of it by Johnnie and Patrice reveal nothing except noxious odors. But Paraguay, smut books, computer programs and deadly folk all play a part in what lay ahead for Vinnie’s head.

There’s a lot of dry wit (perhaps too dry) in author Marc Lecard’s debut comedy crime-noir novel but with an ending plot that is — unfortunately — over-the-top. Death and redemption go hand-in-hand as Johnnie discovers all of the cons within cons that are designed to divest him not only of money, but probably his life. The overly-complicated ending plot wrap-ups didn’t fit well with the dumbed-down LoDuco (the story is told in first person via Johnnie) whom most readers will probably sympathize with and get angry at for not seeing what’s right under his nose.

That said, the story is a breezy read (up until the end) and has some chuckle moments but nothing that’ll cause serious belly laughs.

A fun read that most readers should be able to finish in one or two sittings.

I AM AMERICA (AND SO CAN YOU!)

2007-11-18T16:23:00.000-08:00

I challenge you, Stephen Colbert! You are not a true American!

America, we’ve been duped. Stephen Colbert is not who he claims to be (he may actually be an automaton from the future who’s trying to dupe us). He’d have you believe that he’s some right-wing fanatic when, in reality, he’s only a right-beak or maybe a foot. And I can prove it!

From chapter one of his book, I AM AMERICA (AND SO CAN YOU!), his family values seem admirable but fail to go the distance (got your boxing gloves on, Colbert?) He only hints at the disease that is homosexuality (i.e., Hollywood gaydom). I mean, these individuals (do not call them people!) are doctors, lawyers, judges, and porno store owners. We need to step back a few decades and purge these people (gah!) from our communities. Does Colbert say this? No! Shame on you, Steven (I’ve removed the "ph" from your name and put in the standard "v" for "victory" which is much more American and saves text space. Should you decide to reprint your book, Ste"v"en, you can send me a check for the amount of page space I saved the printer).

The left-wing liberal media is destroying our country but Colbert, again, doesn’t step up and hit a home run (baseball references are very American, too). Nowhere does he mention the need to shut down these outlets, only to try and help them change venues. I say no! We need to get rid of these newspapers, magazines, and other forms of knowledge. Does he ever say that ignorance is bliss? Again, no! If God had wanted us to have knowledge, he wouldn’t have gotten so miffed at Adam and Even when they ate from the darned tree! (Note to self. "Miffed at Adam and Eve" to be new chapter included in next bible reprinting. Start writing now!)

Religion. Oh boy, Steven. You really missed the boat on this one. Our forefathers (there were only four?) who, ironically, came over on a boat, helped spearhead the way for Christianity in the U.S. by helping the Native Americans turn to Jesus. We also helped them build up their immunity by giving them small-pox blankets and showing them close-ups of lead-filled musket balls. Spreading the word of Jesus went hand-in-hand with the spread of disease (and lead). White man’s disease, that is (syphilis comes later, too, but is icky to talk about). Colbert fails to mention this. Poor sap.

And I have to mention Steven’s last name and his lame (and misguided) attempts to get Chevron to sponsor portions of his book. Steven, your last name is Colbert. Has a certain "energy" ring to it, doesn’t it? And it isn’t "gasoline." Colbert. Coal-bert. Get it! You should be showing Americans the dangers of alternative fuels by supporting the coal industry, Coalbert. Wind and solar power? You can’t even see them! How can you trust something that hides from you and produces no greenhouse gasses? I mean, come on!

Also my attorneys will be contacting you, Steven Coalbert, because there wasn’t sufficient warning regarding putting this book down slowly and, like you, I injured my wrist in doing so. You can avoid any nasty and lengthy court trials, if you’d like, by sending me a check for $1 billion to: The Right-Wing-Man@Americarules.com.

BETTER

2007-11-11T16:15:00.000-08:00

What can medicine do to improve the quality of patient care around the world? That is, at its heart, the question that author Atul Gawande throws at readers and practitioners alike. "We can do better," he tells us, and thus begat the title: BETTER.

Having thoroughly enjoyed Complications, I decided to check out Dr. Gawande's other writings and was pleasantly surprised to find this collection of stories. Although both Complications and Better are short story compilations,
Complications lacked cohesiveness whereas Better had no such problems.

Leading us down simple and often shocking paths, Gawande gives us complicated facts but in laymen's terms. The simplest would be his chapter on hand washing, and how effective it can be for preventing the spread of infection, especially such newly dangerous things as MRSA, an antibiotic resistant bacterial strain that is killing hospital patients far too often. The ease with which its spread is preventable is as simple as a hand cleanser, yet getting doctors (and other medical staff) to do this is nearly impossible. "We can do better."

The beleaguered medical malpractice insurance requirements that plague every doctors pocketbook is hit hard upon, including a look at why it is necessary and why the system is headed for deep trouble. "We can do better."

Probably the most telling chapters were directed at Dr. Gawande's return to India (his national homeland). Polio is on the run and is nearly extinct as a disease. Yet in small Indian provinces, occasional "hot spots" flare up and a band of less than 10 medical men and women must vaccinate over 4 million children in less than two weeks. And they do it. Gawande tells us if this is possible, can't the U.S. do better at fighting infection? The other striking aspect is how India's doctors often work with substandard supplies (or minimal) on dangerous cases. Or perform a surgery they've never done before or are ill equipped to handle. But handle it they do. One such case involved a boy with hydrocephalus ("water on the brain" caused by a build up of cerebral spinal fluid). No physicians at the hospital Gawande visited had ever done a shunt, the procedure necessary to relieve the pressure. But they eventually do a makeshift surgery that saves the boys life "using about as few supplies as I'd use for a suture repair." Quite an eye-opener. "We can do better."

The chapters on CF (cystic fibrosis) are exceptionally well rendered as we learn that doing better at one thing can have huge benefits. When physicians focus all of their talents on cystic fibrosis, the result was astounding. Life expectancy for CF patients jumped from 17 years of age to over 40. And now it looks like they may very well be able to live into the 70s. It isn't some new super-drug that's extending these peoples lives, but looking at the disease process in terms of better treatment strategies; living proof that doing "Better" can help medicine achieve miraculous results.

Atul Gawande is to be commended for writing a book that flays open the medical system and exposes the diseases beneath; diseases that we can do better at.

COMPLICATIONS

2007-09-12T15:05:00.000-07:00

Being in the medical field, I found myself pretty engrossed in Atul Gawande’s COMPLICATIONS. But even if you’re not in medicine, there’s no reason you shouldn’t pick up the book. Focusing on both sides of the scalpel (those that get cut as well as those that do the cutting), the vignettes sketched out here are hit upon with compassion, thoughtfulness, and razor-sharp telling ("We have taken [medicine] to be both more perfect than it is and less extraordinary than it can be.")

Gawande holds back nothing in his narrative. One chapter will discuss the evolution of a surgeon and how perilous and dangerous it can be ("Everyone wants a surgeon with experience, but how does a new surgeon become the veteran?"), while the next will look at how effective specialized medicine is (a hospital that does ONLY hernia operations and how incredibly successful those surgeons are).

The most frightening portion of the book — for me — was the discussion on dangerous doctors (chapter 5: When Good Doctors Go Bad). When MD’s get older and can’t function as well, or get burned out, or simply can’t keep up with new medical technology, there’s no system in place to remove them. The AMA, local affiliate groups, none have the sole power to remove a doctor until it is often too late for the patients (Gawande’s examples are horrifying, showing us an orthopedist who had more law suits pending against him than patients in his practice, and still he practiced and operated).

The big flaw with this "novel" is that it isn’t novel at all. It is a compilation of short stories without a core. Whipping back and forth between medical superstitions in one chapter to the study of subjective pain the next, there’s no rhyme or reason to the placement of chapters within the book. This isn’t all bad, though, just something the reader should be aware of before digging in.

Regardless, it is an eye-opener to those in the medical profession and those who are patients within it. Gawande is as sharp with his pen as he is with his scalpel. And he spares no one; from the physicians within his own cadre, to the misconceptions patients hold for their care givers.

Complications should be required reading by all physicians, past, present and, especially, future simply because it is brutally honest and keeps its perspective tightly woven toward patient care.

THE TERROR

2007-09-12T11:47:00.001-07:00

Dan Simmons is a phenom. Being able to write aptly in just about any genre of his choosing, this proficient author continues to surprise and amaze readers.

I was first introduced to Mr. Simmons’ novels via his excellent HYPERION series (science fiction). I then ventured to SONG OF KALI and CARRION COMFORT (horror) and then touched his JOE KURTZ series (Mystery, PI). Enjoying all of them, I finally found THE TERROR sitting on my local bookstore shelf and promptly snatched it up.

Certainly Simmons has a way with prose. It is this that keep most readers reading his stuff. Without this ability, though, I fear I might not have been able to finish The Terror. And what I mean by that is that the story sags in the middle (heavily) but then picks up nicely in the end. If Mr. Simmons didn’t write so well, I feel confident this book would’ve gone unfinished.

The story is that of the fatal search for the Northwest Passage by the infamous Sir John Franklin expedition. This portion of the novel is certainly relegated to nonfiction, but mixed with fiction via Simmons’ own imagination. Sir John takes two large ships with him on his quest, The Erebus (Franklin’s own vessel) and The Terror (captained by Francis Crozier, whom takes up 3/4 of the book’s story). Trapped in the ice for far too long, we get to read about the slow demise of the crew via deadly scurvy, near mutinies (that eventually flower into a full-blown one of sorts), and the stalking and killing of the expeditioners by a powerful creature nick-named The Terror also.

If this sounds depressing, it is. As a reader you often get in tight with certain characters (if the author does his job right) and certainly some of them must die. But all of them (this is not a spoiler; you can find out about The Franklin Expedition by looking at any encyclopedia)? I became somewhat close to one of the medical personnel. Reading about him was fascinating but his death seemed harsh and unnecessary. Then to read about the other deaths was almost too much; the entire book seemed to be spiraling into a dark pit. Again, had it not been for Mr. Simmons’ able writing skills, I might have put The Terror down and moved on. But I persevered.

The ending was surprising and a bit uplifting (if unreal). There is one particular item that is left up to the reader’s interpretation (I won’t spoil it here, but I will say that I felt Captain Crozier and The Terror — both monster and ship — had to move on).

This isn’t Simmons’ best work but it is a valuable read, both historically and fictionally. The Washington Post called it a "Patrick O’Brien meets Edgar Allen Poe.." story, and I would most certainly agree with that summation. But I would’ve liked to have seen more O’Brien and a bit less Poe.

DAMAGE CONTROL

2007-05-03T16:56:00.000-07:00

Giving positive reviews to a book such as this seems like madness. Can just about anyone these days write a murder mystery and get it published? It’s more likely that this is related to established authors (although Mr. Dugani has only one other notable book in his arsenal, THE JURY MASTER, it is still in the same genre and was fairly well received). I don’t mean to bash publishers but I felt pointing out these possible flaws might help guide readers in the right direction when jonesin’ for a good book.

If you’re reading this review, you’ve probably been a fan of the murder mystery genre and are wondering if you should pick up this novel; or maybe you already have and are wondering what others thought of it. If you’re in the first category, you might want to bypass this book in favor of something more appetizing. I’m not saying that Mr. Dugani is a horrible writer; he’s not. But he does do some irritating things with his prose that’ll drive readers to distraction. This is immediately evident in the very first paragraph of DAMAGE CONTROL. And here it is:

"Dr. Frank Pilgrim adjusted the flexible lamp clipped to the edge of his cluttered metal desk, but the additional illumination did not keep the typewritten words on the page from blurring. He set his wire-framed glasses above his bushy gray eyebrows and pinched the bridge of his nose. His eyes had reached their limit; they could no longer take the strain of night reading small print."

Although not too poorly put together, this is a prime example of what the remaining 401 pages contain as far as style goes. You’ll note that there are three references to Dr. Pilgrim’s failing eyesight in this one short paragraph. Perhaps the author was afraid we wouldn’t get that the character was old, but the gray eyebrows were pretty much a dead giveaway (example: "..page from blurring." and "..had reached their limit" and "...could no longer take the strain..."). We get it already! Please don’t beat us over the head with things like this!

The only redeeming qualities are that the novel is plotted well and with enough baggage plopped on top of the main protagonist to make her a very sympathetic character. Disease, divorce, murder of a loved one, and face-to-face encounters with a psycho-killer all make Dana Hill (the main character) endearing to readers. A distracted love story between Dana and the investigating detective, Logan, is a bit odd and contrived but still a necessary element that added a touch of light to an otherwise dark tale.

Going into detail about the story’s machinations is fairly useless, too. If you’ve ever read a murder mystery, you know exactly how this one’s structured: murder happens, loved ones grieve, detective gets in over his head with a family member of the deceased, family try and help solve the murder and put themselves in harm’s way, murderer stalks main character, blood is spilled, happy ending. Similarly, Damage Control sets everything up in a pretty ending package for the reader, making it so sweet you’ll probably gag on the final few pages.

For some truly great murder mystery stories, try picking up an Ian Rankin Inspector Rebus novel.

RED CARPETS AND OTHER BANANA SKINS: THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF RUPERT EVERETT

2007-04-13T09:58:00.001-07:00

"Caution" is the best word used when approaching an autobiography about an actor who’s still living, especially when that autobiography is written by the actor himself. Pretentiousness and self-importance are often affiliated with those who believe their acting gives them license to note how they "have affected the world around them."

I "cautiously" cracked open this book and began reading, wondering if I might throw it aside in disgust. But I didn’t. Mr. Everett doesn’t fall into the pretentious or self-important pit, but instead notes how the world manipulated him and how he came out the other end.

Starting with his days at a religious school, Rupert quickly learns that religion isn’t for him. He finds the school overly-strict because "like bowel movements, punishment was always dictated at the appropriate time" (that’s not the exact quote but the meaning is there).

Being gay was also an issue as he grows into manhood ("queenhood?") and then eventually learns the terribleness of the impending AIDS epidemic. Friends fall to the disease and Rupert wonders if he’ll be the next one caught in its death-trap.

Mr. Everett also doesn’t spout off all of the fantastic movies he’s been in and instead gets us into the dirt on those films that were less than stellar. Falling into and out of the theater, Rupert Everett stumbles and swaggers through films, plays, and voice overs (he was the voice of Prince Charming in Shrek 2). He sugarcoats nothing, including his elicit drug use, alcohol abuse, and his interactions with stars great and small (from Elizabeth Taylor to director Marek Kanievska).

There is a bit of name-dropping toward the middle and end of the book, as well as some scattered thoughts about travels hither and thither, but the strong writing and its excellent insiders view make this autobiography a surprising winner.

YOU SUCK

2007-03-16T10:56:00.000-07:00

Although certainly not Christopher Moore’s best work, YOU SUCK certainly holds the reader’s interest, with the additional bonus of being a sequel-of-sorts to BLOOD SUCKING FIENDS, his tale of vampirism in present day San Francisco.

For those who’ve read Blood Sucking Fiends, the story will be familiar terrain. If you haven’t, it’s probably not that big of a deal, as You Suck does stand alone as a self-contained novel. But those who’ve read Blood Sucking Fiends will get the past, comedic barbs that Moore so loves to play around with in this newest novel.

You Suck is about three basic people. Well ...not basic. Some of them are vampires. One of these is the hot-bodied redhead, Jodi. New to the undead realm thanks to the bite of an ancient vampire named Elijah, Jodi feels lonely and in need of companionship. Enter Thomas Flood, whom Jodi turns from human to non-human in the "bat" of an eye. Thomas and Jodi are in love, but this goes a little beyond that. Thomas is initially incensed at her attack on his humanness. But he has to deal with it and so he begins to learn the ways of the night. Problems quickly arise, however, when our two new vamps realize that they need a minion, someone to watch over them during their daytime slumbers. Welcome aboard sixteen-year-old Abby Normal (Young Frankenstein, anyone?), a wannabe undead gothster who falls for "Lord Flood" and tries to understand (often wrongfully) about the lives of vampires.

When Elijah — who was imprisoned in a bronze cast by Jodi — escapes from his bonds, all hell starts breaking loose.

The Animals, the name given to Thomas’ old coworkers at a local Safeway, return from a raucous time in Las Vegas only to discover that their old buddy, Thomas, is a vampire. Not good. And with the Animals comes a blue hooker. That’s not "blue" in the sense of depression, but blue as in the color of her skin. Draining the Animals of almost all their funds, Thomas’ friends beseech him to loan them some more money so that they can continue partying with Blue.

But Blue discovers something quickly about Thomas. She knows he’s a blood sucker and wants to become one herself. With the help of the Animals, Thomas is locked away into a rather dominatrix situation with Blue. When Thomas awakens and then bites Blue, another problem vampire is added to San Francisco’s streets. Then the Animals begin disappearing or turning into the undead. But is Blue the only one responsible for this? What has Elijah been doing?

Needless to say, the story is entertaining and a suitably quick read. The biggest letdown is that the laughs are spread too far apart compared to previous Moore works. Although there are some gut-busting moments (mostly having to do with Abby Normal’s diary entries), the main heft of the story isn’t given over to enough comedic moments.

Even so, Chris Moore fans will eat up (pun intended) this latest installment by an author who knows how to keep his readers interested. But new readers? We’ll have to see.

CATCH-22

2007-03-08T10:53:00.000-08:00

When a piece of literature gets stuck into a culture, you know there’s really something to it. Having read CATCH-22 when in high school, I decided to revisit it in this crazy George Bush-world we now live in. The parallels are frighteningly surreal. But let’s not get political.

This is the story of one man’s fight to exit WW II in one piece. His name is Captain Yossarian and he finds the war-torn world to be a place of contradictions and ignorant men of power. Flying missions over Europe, Yossarian’s commanders continually up the number of missions that must be flown before the men can be circulated back to the States. Yossarian realizes he’ll never stop flying these terribly dangerous missions because whenever he gets close to his final one, his CO’s up them (a Catch-22 in itself). The ridiculous qualities of war are thrown at Yossarian as we witness his conflicting tragedies through comedic/ironic eyes.

In his do-anything-to-stay-alive fashion, Yossarian enters the hospital as often as possible with stomach ailments, or by trying to be deemed mentally unstable. Neither works, of course.

Pinning medals on naked men, rowing to Sweden with a tiny spoon, and living with a dead guy who never made it past his first mission, Yossarian’s gambits know no bounds.

Heller’s writing style is something of a marvel, too. His own prose is done in Catch-22 fashion, making the reader laugh and cringe (Example: “Don’t interrupt.” “Yes, sir.” “And say ‘sir’ when you do.” “Yes, sir.” “Weren’t you just ordered not to interrupt?”)

It’s amazing that even today the term Catch-22 can be heard muttered by people who don’t know the reference from which it originated. Try asking someone what a Catch-22 is and they’ll likely be able to tell you, but many probably won’t know where the term came from. I think we owe it to Joseph Heller to keep this pun alive, especially with what’s going on in the Whitehouse right now.

Oh, darn! There I go again. Sorry...

SANDWORM FORMATION IN JORDAN

2007-02-22T16:28:00.000-08:00

Having recently heard from my cousin Jim who travels the world and sends back some awesome photographs, this one struck me in the literary sense because of its amazing resemblance to what a petrified sandworm might look like (from my grandfather's Dune novels).

SOUL CATCHER READ BY ACTORS/ACTRESSES

2007-02-04T09:53:00.000-08:00

I recently had the honor of attending a script reading of one of my grandfather’s books. The reading took place in Studio City, California. There were fifteen actors/actresses up on stage reading the material from SOUL CATCHER and intoning the characters in their surprisingly full-fledged acting voices.

Amongst the readers was Michael O’Neill, TV star of such things as THE WEST WING, JUDGING AMY, and NYPD BLUE. He’s also going to be appearing in the upcoming theatrical release of TRANSFORMERS. Also in the cast was Kurt Caceres (reading the main part of Katsuk). Caceres may be best known for his role as Juan Lorenzo on THE SHIELD, but he also appeared in last year’s Oliver Stone film WORLD TRADE CENTER.

The reading took about two hours and with a cast of fifteen on stage it was pulled off exceptionally well. The script changed a few things that were present in the plotting of Soul Catcher, but this didn’t surprise nor upset me. The story was modernized to great advantage and the ending given a new face but remaining true to the story’s center (sorry but I’m not going to give away anything more).

The Two Roads Theater (where the reading took place) was small and every seat was occupied. There were at least two producers present and I spoke with one of them after the event (his wife is pregnant with twins and since I have twins we struck up a congenial conversation). He seemed very impressed with the script and even dropped a few "big league" names to play the main parts.

This was, of course, just a very small first step toward an actual movie, but it’s the first time Soul Catcher has been translated to a script and it was very exciting to hear it being read by professional actors/actresses.

Special thanks to Bruce Bernhardt for inviting the Herbert family down to Hollywood, and for his emotional response to our arrival; he seemed genuinely touched that several members of my family showed up.

It was also an honor to meet and speak with several of the actors/actresses after the reading. Michael O’Neill is one of the nicest guys you’d ever want to meet and we chatted about Soul Catcher and what Frank Herbert meant by plopping in various thoughts.

Anyway, it was great fun and very exciting to see Soul Catcher catch some notice.

NO GUNS, NO KNIVES, NO PERSONAL CHECKS

2007-01-05T14:41:00.000-08:00

Who knew being a cab driver in a big city could be so interesting, dangerous and funny, often at the same time. First time author Larry Sager knew, because he’s "been there and done that."

Being more of a treatise on cab drivers than on the passengers themselves, NO GUNS, NO KNIVES, NO PERSONAL CHECKS is a human interest yarn set in the funky city-by-the-bay, San Francisco.

From transvestites, vomiting drunkards, prostitutes, the eccentric wealthy, to the common man, taxis carry everyone from all walks of life. And Mr. Sager has met them all.

The strengths of the book is in Mr. Sager’s prose. He often can make light of seemingly dangerous situations, or make the mundane curiously strange. Example: when Mr. Sager picks up what was supposed to be another cab company’s call, a driver from the opposing company appears as a madman at Larry’s driver’s side window, threatening all manner of destruction on him and his cab.

Then there’s the more mundane things that become quite funny, such as when he drops off an elderly lady at her home, assists her into the house, and notes, "The house was about 54 years old. And the furniture inside looked to be about 54 years old. And it looked as if the furniture hadn’t been moved in about 54 years."

Any weaknesses have to be directed at the occasional chapter that held minimal laughs, frights or eccentrics. These seemed to be loaded toward the center of the book, making it drag for several chapters. These were the "I picked ‘em up here, listened to him/her talk, then dropped them off" sections. Unfortunately, there were just a few too many of them to give the book a higher rating. The other issue was the ending of chapters. Many of them had the standard, "And I pushed down on the accelerator" cliche attached to them, which didn’t jive well with Mr. Sager’s more interesting prose.

I usually don’t comment on cover art or blurbs, but I’m going to make an exception here. The cover is very colorful and well rendered. Nearly something from every chapter is represented on it. And the blurb on the back that finally got me to read the book was this, ‘"Taxis? They smell. I much prefer to fly. Thank you very much." – Bela Lugosi, actor, Gilroy, California.’ Anyone who lives around Gilroy knows that they’re famous for garlic, and that Bel Lugosi was the ultimate vampire actor. Quite witty, I must say. Anyone who can make those types of comical connections is okay in my book.

I’m glad I read No Guns, No Knives. It’s slow middlings were mostly made up for by the strong beginning and ending.

Looking for a good nonfiction, human interest read? Check this one out and you might find yourself on one helluva ride.

THE GARDEN OF EDEN AND OTHER CRIMINAL DELIGHTS

2006-12-01T14:58:00.000-08:00

Not everything written by well-established authors should be published. Never was this truer than when Stephen King came out with From A Buick 8 and the horrible Dreamcatcher.

Faye Kellerman has been delighting readers with her Decker/Lazzarus crime fiction novels for many years now, and most will probably snap up The Garden of Eden and Other Criminal Delights, a mish-mash collection of short stories (and a few inspired by and coauthored with some of Kellerman’s close family members).

Short story fans will be as equally delighted and chagrined as Kellerman’s fan-base, as this collection runs from quite good to downright terrible. The most notable are the final two stories, "Mummy and Jack" and "Holy Water."

"Mummy and Jack" was a coauthored piece with Kellerman’s older son Jesse. Wickedly dark in tone, the story takes the Oedipus complex a bit over the edge and plops us uncomfortably in the middle of adult son Jack’s desire to please his mother by any means necessary ...including killing.

"Holy Water," the longest story in the collection, is a hilarious romp via a Rabbi who’s hijacked by some prosperous thugs that demand the formula for a rival cola company’s soda. Since the Rabbi confirmed the ingredients for kosher reasons, he’s on their list of men whom they need to "talk to." But the Rabbi is smarter than the thugs and twists their plans until even the bad guys come around to his way of thinking.

But from here the stories take a serious nosedive. Several of the Decker/Lazzarus stories fall flat or conclude in very ho-hum fashion. One story that focuses on Decker and his now grown daughter who’s entering the police field, goes absolutely nowhere while trying to show the strains of the father/daughter relationship during an accidental shooting. Two stories were cowritten by Kellerman’s other children and they read, unfortunately, more like poorly put together streams of consciousness.

If it weren’t for "Holy Water" and "Mummy and Jack," this collection would be easily forgettable. But the big question: Is it worth the price of purchase just for those two stories? That probably depends on how much of a Faye Kellerman fan you are.

Publisher: Time Warner Audiobooks; Hachette Audio
Copyright: August 2006
Genre: Short story; fiction
ISBN: 1-59483-215-3
Brief Description of the Book: Abridged on 5 Audio CDs
Where Book is Available for Purchase: Booksense.com

CRYPTONOMICON

2006-11-26T14:43:00.000-08:00

Got a month of free reading time? And that’s free time for one book? This isn’t a condemnation of Cryptonomicon's size by any means, just a warning to those who pick it up. Because once you start reading, chances are you won’t be able to stop.

Author Neal Stephenson is either an authentic genius or a certified wacko (or both), because Cryptonomicon is so intricate, so layered, and so engrossing, that someone who could write this much material, and contain it in one novel, must have an odd functionality to their brain.

Spanning two generations of families during pre-, intra-, and post-WW II, this epic (and it most certainly deserves that title) shows the reader the early formation of computer language that developed thanks to code-breakers within the U.S. and German intelligence communities. This may sound horribly boring, but it is far from tedious. Author Stephenson knows not to bore readers. He incorporates cryptanalysis into everyday life, often with hysterically funny results (at one point a character relates his masturbatory behavior to helping solve enemy codes; and another time the London street layout helps design a code system that is nearly unbreakable). All of the characters are incredibly human, from the earliest "geeks" (Richard Waterhouse and Avi) to the rough-and-tumble WW II gladiators (U.S. Marine Bobby Shaftoe and General Douglas MacArthur). There are deadly battles with Japanese soldiers, crushing encounters with German U-boats, and even a treasure hunt finale that’ll tickle your funny bone. There’s romance between a geeky code breaker and the young granddaughter of Bobby Shaftoe. There’s government conspiracies, and unlikely alliances between men on opposite sides of the war. There’s ...just too much to put into one review! Fortunately, though, Neal Stephenson (author) masterfully ties all of these threads together and culminates it into one of the best conclusions seen in novel length fiction history.

At 1,130 pages long (paperback), the thickness of Cryptonomicon may be a deal-breaker for some readers. Don’t let it be. The author’s able prose is sustained throughout its ample length and will keep readers coming back to see what awaits the Shaftoes, the Waterhouses, the Roots, and the Dengos.

A prodigious novel from a genre-busting author, Cyptonomicon defies categorization. It is and isn’t science fiction. It is and isn’t historical fiction. It is and isn’t a techno-thriller. It is and isn’t many things. But the one thing it most certainly is is a masterpiece.

HAPPINESS SOLD SEPARATELY

2006-11-09T10:38:00.000-08:00

Elinor Mackey’s life is about to unravel. Picking up the phone one evening, she overhears her husband Ted talking to his mistress. She’s not mad at first, just tired of fighting and disgusted with life. That she can’t get pregnant — and that they’ve been trying for years via artificial insemination, etc. — only adds to her deflated nature.

Once all the parties involved realize that Elinor knows about the affair, the situation becomes very complex. Gina Ellison is Ted’s trainer and sexual paramour. And when Ted is kicked out of his wife’s bed/home, he decides to end it with Gina. But then Ted runs into Gina and ...her son? Not ever realizing she had a son (Toby), the boy and Ted hit it off immediately. But Toby’s overly sought after affection from Ted causes more and more problems. As Ted gets back together with Elinor, Toby latches onto him.

Will Ted break it off with Toby (and Gina) so that he and Elinor can have a "normal" life? But what if Ted really wanted to have kids? Elinor can’t, but maybe Gina can. And she already has an interesting and brilliant child. As our characters coalesce, it’s obvious that happiness is sold separately when it comes to life’s big (and little) decisions.

Author Lolly Winston has prose ability, keeping even the most mundane of subjects relatively interesting. Much of the time she has Elinor sitting under an oak tree with a neighbor discussing this or that. Although the subjects they discuss (mostly relationships) are fairly bland, Lolly Winston keeps the story moving along by utilizing good comedic timing and thought-provoking interpersonal matters.

Happiness Sold Separately will most likely appeal to women more than men, as most of what is discussed is something men try to avoid like the plague ("Honey. We need to talk about our relationship." Yikes!). Readers may also feel that the story occasionally reads like an entertaining textbook on modern day relationships more than a character portrayal.

Even so, there’s some quality writing in here. But whether or not readers will like it may depend on how they feel about its subject matter.

DECEIT

2006-10-27T14:04:00.000-07:00

Tom Valle is a liar. Disgraced by making up stories for a large newspaper, he is kicked out of his job only to land a new one in the nowhere community of Littleton, California. Trying to hide from his past, Tom now writes about the opening or closing of a new diner in the one-horse-town, or posts topics about equally mundane items.

But one day an accident happens on the highway near town and Tom goes out to check on it, and this scene will change his life.

A charred body is discovered in one car while the driver of the other looks nearly unscathed. Tom digs into the story and soon discovers that the dead driver was a castrated black man. But the name on the driver’s license in the corpse’s wallet doesn’t match that of a black man. Thus begins Tom’s research that will lead him down dark corners and straight into a huge government coverup.

Although ‘small-town, hiding-out, newspaper guy who breaks into a big story’ has been done before, author James Siegel accomplishes it with intense action, great dialogue, and makes no apologies for the cliche.

That Siegel can pull it off so well is extraordinary. He brings together the Vietnam War, World War II, and the modern day Department of Energy effortlessly.

The only downside to the entire story is some of the cliches. And although Siegel mentions that these things are cliche-ish, it still rings an alarm bell in the reader’s mind.

Even so, Deceit is aptly titled with so many twists and turns that readers will rush through the pages just to find out whodunnit and the more important, "Why".

THE BOOK OF FATE

2006-10-12T14:58:00.000-07:00

Wes Holloway, an aide to the President of the United States, is shot and his face disfigured during an attempt on the President’s life. But that’s not the worst of it. Even more devastating is the death of Ron Boyle, one of the President’s close friends and advisors. Shot through the chest by the deadly assassin, Boyle bleeds to death on the way to the hospital in the back of an ambulance normally reserved for the President himself. And Wes had put Boyle in the President’s car, making him feel as though he were responsible for Boyle’s death.

Fast forward eight years and we find President Manning now a former President because of that "fateful" day. A picture surfaced during the scuffle with Secret Service agents and the shooter that showed Leland Manning (the Prez) behind a woman. The photo looks as if Manning is hiding behind her, even though he wasn’t, thus awarding him the public name of "the cowardly lion." Wes remains at his side but his life is eventually thrown into disarray by the presence of a man who sounds like ...like Boyle. Could he still be alive?

That is the basic gist of this extremely heavy tome. To go into further detail would risk putting book review readers to sleep ...which is what THE BOOK OF FATE will do for many. That readers may actually finish the book is more an act of determination than joy, as the story is so poorly put together that its very structure nearly defies description.

However, there is one word that fits it perfectly: overwritten. Checking in at over 500 pages (or 15 CDs for the unabridged audio version), the novel could’ve easily been cut in half, if not in a third. Most of the problems lay with overly-drawn descriptions or overly-dramatic prose. There are so many times in the book where Mr. Meltzer (author) starts in on an initially tense action scene, only to have it fall completely flat by describing every hair follicle on a character’s arm, every chair in a room, every piece of paneling on a wall, and every crook in a person’s finger. It boggles the mind that an editor didn’t get his/her fingers into this forgettable story and cut it down just for the sake of saving a few trees!

This one is a definite bypass...

1776

2006-10-11T10:32:00.000-07:00

Books on history can often be a hard sell to both publishers and readers. The rehashing of old material gets, well, old. You either have to come up with an obscure piece of history that few know about but is engaging, or you have to recreate a larger section that is known by many and give some new tidbits. David McCullough does the latter in his excellent new book 1776.

All Americans know that this was the year the Declaration of Independence was signed. We all know what a tough decision it was for those who chose to place their names on this document, thus committing treason to the British Crown. And Mr. McCullough doesn't dwell on this aspect in 1776, but instead decides to show how perilously close the United States came to never being an independent nation.

For instance, did you know how few soldiers George Washington had under his command during this year? The British outnumbered him nearly three to one. Did you know how many times Washington and his troops abandoned cities and fled? Nearly too many to note. Did you know how indecisive Washington was as a General? He could hardly make decent decisions, let alone singular one's without the input of Congress or an aide. Did you know how many signers of the Declaration of Independence defected to the British side? Whoa.

The book comes complete with fine portraits of famous leaders, too, from King George III to George Washington.

Author McCullough's tight writing style and new insights make this an excellent read. Most will be able to finish the book in two to three days ...easily!

The great thing, too, is that you'll never have to wonder "how it all turns out." :)

NEIL GAIMAN

2006-10-01T15:07:00.006-07:00

An Interview With Myth Master Neil Gaiman
Interviewed by Byron Merritt

In June of this year my grandfather, Frank Herbert, was inducted into the Science Fiction Hall of Fame in Seattle, Washington. Neil Gaiman was the Master of Ceremonies and I’d been trying to interview him for some time, but our busy schedules always seemed at odds with each other. Since we were both going to be in the same place on the same day for the same reason, it seemed logical we might get together and chat a bit. Luckily, with the help of the staff at the SF Hall of Fame, we were able to tuck ourselves into “the green room” and talk about Frank Herbert, science fiction, and Neil’s writings.

I’d never met Neil before and I was surprised at how interesting he looked. At first sight he brought to mind the image of a rock star who’d just stepped off a Harley Davidson. A thick swath of black hair dangles into his eyes and constantly gets pushed out of his face, and his angular features are hawkish yet handsome. This was brought to my attention later by my great aunt (Frank Herbert’s sister) who whispered to me, “He is handsome. He looks like a young Neil Diamond.”

Rock star comparisons aside, Neil Gaiman has the writing ability of the greats of our time. His Sandman Chronicles helped launch DC Comics into mainstream literature, and his multiple award wins for his fantasy and science fiction stories are proof positive that he’s no one-hit-wonder.

(Special thanks to Anne Murphy and Brooks Peck for arranging the interview)

Byron Merritt: We’re kind of coming full circle here at the Science Fiction Museum and Hall of Fame in that I understand you’d interviewed my grandfather some years ago and now here we are inducting him into the SF Hall of Fame and I’m here interviewing you. What I’m dying to know is in what context did you interview Frank Herbert and what did you discuss?

Neil Gaiman: It was in 1984 or 1985 and he was in London promoting the David Lynch Dune film. The way I remember it is that the film hadn’t come out yet. I’d done a small interview with him but the most fun I had with him was during a press conference. It was memorable because it was so wonderful and odd watching him giving a press conference to these English hack journalists. I’m not even sure if these guys still exist because we’re talking more than 20 years ago and I think they’ve probably died off. There were these guys in grubby mackintoshes with their little thumb notebooks who turn up to ask ridiculous questions. I remember going up to one of these guys and he asked me who I was covering the press conference for and I said Space Voyager Magazine or something like that. And I asked this grubby fellow what he planned on asking Mr. Herbert and he said, “I plan on asking him if he believes in little green men.” And I thought: “What the hell are you talking about? This is Frank Herbert here! Have you even read any of his books?” So the press conference goes very well. Your grandfather talks about the origins of Dune and his writing career and the Dune film translation; some really interesting stuff. And then at the end there’s the question and answer session and this guy in the grubby mackintosh stands up says, “Mr. Herbert I feel as a representative of the English press I have to ask you, do you believe in unidentified flying objects.” And your grandfather says, “That’s a really good question. I absolutely believe — listen to my words very carefully — that there are ‘unidentified flying objects’ in that there are objects in the sky that people have seen that have not been identified. But I’m afraid that’s as far as I go.” “Right,” says the grubby reporter, “so when the little green men come down from their saucers do you think they’re going to take us all away?”

Byron Merritt: Oh God.

Read the rest of the interview here.

MESSIAH OF THE FALLEN EARTH

2006-09-29T10:55:00.000-07:00

Messiah of the Fallen Earth
by Raven Jake

A certain amount of trust is demanded by readers whenever they pick up a title. Mostly they trust that the author will entertain them. But they also demand quality, consistency, and a story that flows well. And while Messiah of the Fallen Earth is entertaining on a basic prose level, it falls far short in the other categories.

The story surrounds Vincent, a man with big plans for the world now that "The Apocalypse" has hit. Most of his young life, he’s been tortured by demons that he sees whenever it’s dark. They call to him and make him do unnatural things (hurting people, bending solid metal bars, etc.). His life’s work is now set before him as he creates a town outside of town called Pandemonia. With him he brings his forced lover Doll and anyone else he can scavenge. Pandemonia is a refuge of sorts for those who remain behind its secured walls, but all is a ruse as we learn Vincent’s true goals: to rule the Earth with the aid of his internal demons.

The biggest strength of the book is Raven Jake’s prose. Here’s an example from page 75 where Vincent finds a kid who’s dominated by his father: ‘I know what he is feeling. If that man were any other person in the world, it would be okay. He could kill him. Bt this is his father. The one who has stood above him for years. The memory of being dominated and told what to do breaks his mind into pieces until only the acceptance and pain remains. He desires to defy, but he desires to impress even more. It is a pitiful place to be. That place must be eradicated.’ The problem even here, though, is that the prose is inconsistent. Occasionally it rips along smoothly and then stumbles terribly a few pages or paragraphs later. Mr. Jake obviously has talent, but it is unbridled and needs structure.

The lack of structure is even more evident in how the story’s told. Initially, the entire novel was in a first person narrative but then, towards the end, the author falls into an omniscient viewpoint that made no sense whatsoever. There’s also the problem of Rellick, Vincent’s second-in-command whom we know little about, but then finally get insights into in the ending 3/4 of the book. This seemed completely backwards. If the author wanted us to identify at all with this person, he should’ve put this information in much sooner.

And the final problem I’ll mention is troubles with spatiality. Too many times I felt completely lost in terms of where I was and what things looked like. One minute I may be showering with Vincent, and the next I’m outside the walls of his city. One minute it’s cold outside with the characters’ breath present on the air, and the next we’re talking with people in t-shirts. These are just two examples but there were plenty more.

My ending comment has to be about self-promotion. I don’t mind people doing whatever is necessary to further the sales of their books, but the reviews at Amazon.com are obviously from friends or acquaintances of the author, as none of those who’ve reviewed it there have reviewed any other novel than this one. And they aren’t very truthful.

Raven Jake does have prose talent, but he needs help in several other vital areas in order to produce a book of quality.

Author’s Name: Raven Jake
Publisher: Primal Sin Publications
Copyright: June 6, 2006
Genre: Horror
ISBN: 0-9778994-0-3
Brief Description of the Book: Trade Paperback; 246 pp.
Where Book is Available for Purchase: Booksense.com

THE OWL & MOON CAFE

2006-08-29T15:50:00.000-07:00

The Owl & Moon Cafe
by Jo-Ann Mapson

I always cringe whenever someone says they or someone they know is a writer and would you mind reading something they wrote and letting me know what you thought of it because I think this person is a really great writer and I respect your opinion....

Oh God. Not another one.

The problem is that I can’t lie. I’ve been hardwired (sometime during my early formation, no doubt) to spout the truth about a piece of literature and how I feel about it. This has led to some rather hard feelings by authors who expected me to put on my kids gloves when critiquing/reviewing their work.

So when the son of Jo-Ann Mapson handed me a copy of his mother’s latest literary offering, I felt the critical hairs on the back of my neck rise. Oh no. Would I have to crush any friendship I might have with this man by telling him his mother was a hack writer? That her prose stunk? That she needed to take a course on plotting? I opened The Owl & Moon Café with a heavy sigh, plunged in and ...

...was immediately enthralled. I’ll have to be honest and say part of the attraction was that The Owl & Moon Café takes place in my hometown of Pacific Grove, California. But I’ve read stories by other authors that take place here and was, shall we say, less than impressed. The thing that really struck me was that this novel is a women’s book — covering the lives of four generations of women within the Moon family — but completely engrossed me (a guy) with its excellent plotting, perfect characters, and flowing prose.

The Owl & Moon Café is ground-zero for these women, starting with “Gammy”, the widowed owner of the cafe and mother of Allegra, grandmother of Mariah, and great-grandmother to Lindsay.

After losing her teaching job, embittered single mom Mariah returns to Pacific Grove to work at the café in order to support her brilliant daughter, Lindsay, and keep her in private school. But at the café Mariah has to deal with her aging and bible-thumping “Gammy,” and her 60s-loving mother. Things quickly turn sour for Mariah as the family learns that Allegra (her mother) has leukemia and must undergo chemotherapy. But into Mariah’s life comes a handsome Scotsman who sweeps her off her feet. Trouble is, though, he’s only here for a short while.

Lindsay, an 8th grader, is infatuated with Carl Sagan and science in general. She doesn’t have many friends and stresses about everything. In fact, she’s so worked up all the time that her stomach goes sour, often resulting in visits to the nurses office at school. She also needs to come up with a science project and when she learns of her grandmother’s (Allegra’s) cancer, she quickly comes up with a topic: medical marijuana.

Allegra, forced to deal with her cancer, finally goes to the hospital only to meet up with a doctor she knows. Dr. Al Goodnough was the love of her life during her younger, wilder days and the two of them rekindle their passions during the treatment of Allegra’s deadly cancer. But will she survive?

All of these women coalesce into a melting pot of family, what-ifs, and probabilities as they battle love, family, cancer, marijuana, and finding out the true meaning of belonging somewhere.

I have to share one paragraph from the story that really caught my attention when it came to character development, prose, and flow. This is on page 107 and it’s from Allegra’s point of view after she’d learned of her leukemia and started having trouble with Mariah, her adult daughter: ‘Doc had resurfaced at the worst possible time. She was almost fifty, dried up like an old walnut. Her life would play out like a World War II movie, a romance that might have been; only in her case, instead of Nazis, goose-stepping leukocytes. Doc would do his valiant best, but eventually those cells would beat him down. All that would be left of them was Mariah. Hurricane Mariah.’

It’s incredible how much information about the characters and the story are revealed in this little section but, there you go, that’s great writing.

So the next time my friend at work mentions that his mom has a new book out, he won’t have to prompt me to read it; I’ll run to the bookstore!

Author’s Name: Jo-Ann Mapson
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Copyright: July 2006
Genre: Mainstream Fiction
ISBN: 0-7432-6641-2
Brief Description of the Book: Trade Paperback; 356 pp.
Where Book is Available for Purchase: Booksense.com

THE BETRAYED

2006-08-11T14:10:00.000-07:00

People too often use the word “suck” to describe something they dislike. To me, this shows a lack of expertise in utilizing much better modern day English language descriptors. I hound individuals to come up with more colorful examples, especially my teenage kids who love to insert “suck” in every descriptive passage.

But today I’m going to risk ridicule and use the term to outline my feelings about David Hosp’s book, The Betrayed. Yes, it sucked. In fact, “suck” is the most appropriate transitive verb I can attach to this worthless paper-bound contraption. Not only is the plot completely transparent and mundane, but the characters are cardboard cutouts of movie stars (think Mel Gibson and Danny Glover in the “Lethal Weapon” series and you’ll be right on the mark) and the author’s prose is laughable (more on that in a moment).

The plot: A woman from a financially affluent family is found murdered in her home. Two detectives are called in to solve the case, Darius Train (i.e., Danny Glover) and Jack Cassian (i.e., Mel Gibson toned down a few notches). The dead woman’s sister, Sydney Chapin, becomes an investigative force, trying to track down the last few hours of her sister’s life, only to become entangled with high-powered politicians, old family history, a deadly private eye, and an emotional attachment to Detective Cassian. And that’s about all there is. If you’ve read any murder mysteries or watched any movie thrillers involving government higher-ups, you already know the ending to this lame novel.

Suckiness of plot aside, sometimes an author can pull novels along simply by utilizing flowing narrative verse or lively storytelling. This is called “prose” (something Mr. Hosp needs much help with). Myself having battled with this problem, I can easily relate to items that should never have made it into this bulky book (419 pages).

Mr. Hosp’s use of passive voice is consistently irritating and makes the entire story fall flat as a result (example, ‘As he walked...’ instead of ‘He walked...’ etc.). The other HUGE prose issue is the author’s use of “eyes” to describe every emotional state his characters feel. Page 298: ‘Train drew his eyebrows up noncommittally (Ed. — Whatever the hell that means!), and Venable’s gaze settled on him like a heavy burden. He held the stare, returning its intensity without aggression as they sat in silence for a long moment, neither one of them backing down....’ This languorous style of writing is evident on almost every page, making the story read much longer than it needed to.

So this is definitely one to bypass, or perhaps use as toilet paper — the sucking sound of the flush will match this book perfectly.

(Side note: I wonder how in the world this novel ever got published! I’ve read better stories by 8th and 9th graders. I also question the current customer reviews at Amazon.com. Could some -- or most -- of these four and five star reviews be from friends of Mr. Hosp or indirectly affiliated with the book or its author somehow?)

TODAY IN LITERARY HISTORY

2006-07-18T15:43:00.000-07:00

Pioneer of "gonzo" journalism, Hunter S. Thompson is born in Louisville, Ky., on this day.

By age 10, Thompson was publishing his own two-page newspaper, which he sold for four cents. By his early teens, he had already launched on the life of drinking, vandalism, and pyromania that would turn him into a bestselling writer. At age 18, he was jailed for robbery. After serving 30 days of his 50-day sentence, he was released after promising to join the Air Force.

While serving on a Pensacola, Florida, Air Force base, he became sports editor of the base newspaper and later went to work for a paper in New York, where he was fired for kicking a vending machine. He wrote conventional journalism pieces for various magazines, and in 1967 he expanded one of his articles into his first book, Hells Angels, which became a bestseller. In 1970, while covering the Kentucky Derby, Thompson went on a weeklong bender and developed severe writer's block. He handed his scrawled notes to the copy boys his editors sent after him, and the result, "The Kentucky Derby Is Decadent and Depraved," was hailed as a landmark in journalism. One of his editors dubbed the new style "gonzo," for its wild, careening style.
In 1972, Thompson's Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas became a bestseller, as did his 1972 Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail, about the Nixon-McGovern presidential election.

Thompson died at his home in Woody Creek, Colo., on February 20, 2005, of a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. He was 76 years old.

(Writing credit, Gonzo.org)

A NIGHT TO REMEMBER

2006-06-20T16:16:00.000-07:00

The Science Fiction Museum and Hall of Fame in Seattle is ....I’m not even sure how to describe it! Suffice to say it’s an amazing place filled with music, lights, SF and Rock-n-Roll memorabilia, and a quirky outer facade. The place is airy and open, and feels very unmuseum-like.

As any of you who read this blog know, I went there for the induction ceremony of my grandfather, Frank Herbert. The proceedings were an invitation only event and I was fortunate enough to make the short list. Not only that, but I was also assigned to table #1 along with Brian Herbert, Kevin J. Anderson, Bill Ransom, Pat Larson (Frank Herbert’s sister and my great aunt), Jan Herbert (Brian’s wife), Rebecca Moesta-Anderson (Kevin’s wife), Bill Ransom’s lovely wife (who’s name currently escapes me ...Kelly maybe?) and a Hall of Fame curator. We also had a second table that held several other Herbert clansman (and women).

Neil Gaiman was the Master of Ceremonies for the evening. He’s such a presence and has a wonderful voice that carries exceptionally well (he had a mic but I don’t think he necessarily needed it). One of the curators told me that they’d invited about 200 people to the event but doubted everyone would attend. However — much to their surprise — all of the tables were filled.

A large movie screen adorned a wall behind the podium in what was called ‘The Sky Church’ room, and it is from this screen that several short documentary style film clips were shown of each inductee. Cameras were flashing or being lugged around the room on weary shoulders. Food consisted of dessert and a humble wine selection. An incredible night that started at 8pm and didn’t close out until after ten.

Noteworthy events were, of course, my grandfather’s induction beginning with Kevin J. Anderson’s presentation and Brian Herbert’s acceptance, Neil Gaiman’s perfect commentary, Anne McCaffrey getting a standing ovation as she hobbled up to the stage, and George Lucas’ son, Rob Coleman, accepting Lucas’ induction while a parade of Star Wars characters marched onto the stage.

I also had the opportunity to interview Mr. Gaiman before the evening’s events, something of which I’ll never forget. Special thanks to Anne Murphy and Therese Littleton for arranging that.

THE SCIENCE FICTION HALL OF FAME

2006-05-22T14:39:00.000-07:00

I’ve always been proud of my family. We stick together like old syrup on a plate, sweet and persistent. And this June we all get to stick together again thanks to my grandfather, Frank Herbert, who will be inducted into the Science Fiction Hall of Fame. “The Family” will come together and witness this momentous occasion on June 17th in Seattle, Washington.

Hugo award winning author Neil Gaiman (creator of the highly successful Sandman Chronicles) will host the event around 7:30 pm while we all acknowledge the amazing accomplishments of my grandfather’s able mind — the Dune novels chief among them. Unfortunately this all comes posthumously, as Grandpa died in 1986. But that’s no one’s fault, especially not the SF Hall of Fame. They’ve only been around a short while.

Along with my grandfather, others will be inducted that same day. Most notable to many will be George Lucas, creator of the Star Wars movie series. George Lucas has been quoted as saying that Dune (my grandfather’s creation) was “an inspiration” to him when he started working on Star Wars. Many people have made comparisons between the two, but that’s water under the bridge. We’ll sit and watch Mr. Lucas receive his accolades, too.

In addition to George Lucas and Frank Herbert, the inductees that day include SF marvel Anne McCaffrey, author of The Dragonriders of Pern series, and Frank Kelly Freas, a ten-time Hugo award-winning illustrator of SF books and magazines.

It should be a fun event and one that I’m proud to say I’ll be a part of ...thanks to my family.

THE LOVE AND HATE WRITING RELATIONSHIP

2006-05-14T14:09:00.000-07:00

I’ve always enjoyed writing. Like a friend waiting just around the corner ready to encourage and press me into achieving greater things, writing gives me much more than I could ever give back. And this is both a blessing and a curse.

You’ll note the word “waiting” in that first paragraph (above). Waiting is a problem. Procrastination, life, writers block, whatever you want to call it, often gets in my way and I have to sit my ample butt down and concentrate on what I need (want) to accomplish. But this, too, can cause problems. Dishes stack up, laundry doesn’t get done, appointments get missed or put off, all thanks to writing. But that’s okay. At least I’m doing it and not just thinking about doing it.

When I ask other writers if they have this conundrum, they almost always say “Yes.” And this, too, both bugs and comforts me. It comforts me because I feel I’m not alone; others have the same problem. We’re put-off-aholics and could form our own support group (“Hi, I’m Byron and I haven’t written a word in three weeks.”) But the irritation I feel is equally puzzling. Why do we all have this problem?! What is it about life in the 21st century that makes us such procrastinators?! Perhaps it’s the instant gratification age that I continually harp about to my kids. Maybe it’s part of our genetic make-up, a recessed gene that only now has flickered to life thanks to the buzz of the TV. Perhaps it’s this crazy life we live, going on vacation, attending weddings, checking into hotels for a business trip, checking email, checking answering machines, checking voice mail, making sure we have blueberries in the fridge as well as on our palm pilot, and the list goes on. Is that it? Do we need 25 hours in a day?

Regardless of the cause, a cloud looms large over many writers, myself among them. We have to force ourselves to sit down and do the work. But – and here’s the great part – when we finally do calm down enough to let the words flow, it’s like Nirvana. It’s a drug. We’re in that euphoric state runners often feel when they grasp their second wind. Words flow. The mind relaxes. The work-a-day world vanishes into the background. Ah. There it is. I think I found it. Excuse me while I write something down…

THE WORKS: THE LITTLE BOOKSTORE THAT COULD

2006-04-29T14:54:00.000-07:00

Nothing gives me greater pleasure (some things do but they aren’t appropriate to talk about here) than going into a local bookstore and checking out what’s new. So it was with extreme joy that I attended the grand opening of The Works – formerly Bookworks – here in little Pacific Grove, California.

The aforementioned Bookworks was an area icon, a place where tourists and locals alike flitted in and out of for years. It also had quite a few owners over the past two decades and was under threat of “going under” several times. Pacific Grovians sweated out all of these threats and were happy to see this little-store-that-could sputter but survive.

Now under the ownership of Robert Marcum and his wife Leela, the store has taken on an entirely new look and feel. A full half of the stores’ activities are now dedicated to coffee, tea and refreshments, as well as local artist displays and a wedge-of-a-stage for poetry readings, etc. The wonderful aroma of pastries and coffee beans now wafts onto Lighthouse Ave (the official entrance to the coffee bar). Walk back through a small hallway and you come into a wall that will (from now on) hold paintings and artwork by local artists. After looking at the art, turn around and you’ll come face to face with the much smaller, yet cozy, bookstore.

Although tiny by bookstore standards, the shelves of literary tomes remain intact and under the able guidance of manager Pamela Hensley, formerly of the now defunct Thunderbird Bookshop. Pam has been given unbridled control when dealing with the bookstore and its inventory, and this is undeniably a wonderful thing (that’s Pam behind the register). Her book selections are tight in the limited space but amazingly well laid out. Children’s books, mysteries, science fiction, bestsellers, and every genre you could possibly think of dot little coveys and holes throughout the newly renovated space.

The grand re-opening of the store was greeted by a horde of locals. While I was there snapping pictures, I continually bumped into people, elbow to elbow as we were, yet smiles remained the face the day.

When new owner Robert Marcum cut the ceremonial ribbon then took the microphone and announced, “This isn’t just my store, it’s yours,” applause broke out because we all felt the same way. This is our store …and it always will be.

THE DOUBLESPEAK WORLD WE LIVE IN

2006-04-11T14:42:00.000-07:00

It never ceases to amaze me the word games we play with each other on both a personal and professional level. I’m not talking about harassment or insults, but the doublespeak that seems to infiltrate our daily lives.

Just drive to the local supermarket and you’ll be bombarded with these phrases. The most popular one that always gets me is "fresh frozen." What the Hell is that supposed to mean? It’s either fresh ...or it’s frozen. How could it possibly be both! Can I go and pick some fresh wild strawberries, wrap them in plastic, stick ‘em in my freezer, then try to sell the batch six months later as "fresh frozen?" I guess so but you could imagine what they’d taste like.

More recently we have the doublespeak of professionals and politicians that crash over us on a daily basis. Jeff Skilling, previously of the now defunct Enron corporation, is still in court (albeit with a tan and a nicely pressed five-thousand-dollar suit) claiming that he was hurt financially just as badly as the other employees and shareholders who are now penniless because of the company’s shady business practices. President Bush, whenever questioned about anything challenging, constantly brings up the term "national security." He even mentioned it during a briefing that criticized the federal government’s handling of Hurricane Katrina! What the...! I’m still trying to figure that one out.

And, of course, on the international scene, we have Iran’s claim that they’ve just enriched Uranium but have no intentions of developing atomic weapons. Yeah. Right. Sure. And dogs don’t have ears.
(Don't you just love the dove in the background, too. Awww, so peaceful.)

The next time you pick up a newspaper, take a look at the double-meaning words and phrases the permeate our daily existence. Grrrr!

OCTAVIA BUTLER ...YOU WILL BE MISSED

2006-03-04T09:57:00.000-08:00

When an author dies, he or she takes with them everything they ever would’ve written. And often left behind are the many fans and readers who fell head-over-heals for their prose, characters, and sheer writing talent.

Such is the case with Octavia Butler. She died after a terrible fall on Friday, February 24th at the age of 58. Her story is unique in many ways, too. Not only was she brought up from humble beginnings, she was a woman in a predominantly male field: science fiction. And a black woman to boot. She struggled to get her first novel, KINDRED (1979), published after multiple rejections. But once it was picked up by a publisher, her career took off.

Two Nebula Awards, a board member for the Science Fiction Museum and Hall of Fame, and the only science fiction author to ever receive a "Genius Grant," Mrs. Butler was as large a figure in the SF community as she was in stature (well over six-feet). But her shy demeanor and calm grace was what most people remember about her. Having never had the honor of meeting her, I can only go off what I’ve heard, and it seems she was well-liked and respected by her peers.

It’s interesting (from a personal standpoint) that Mrs. Butler chose to live in Seattle, Washington toward the end of her life. My grandfather, Frank Herbert, lived there as well right before he passed away, and I started wondering if there was a common "pull" this area held for SF writers?

Perhaps it’s just coincidence.

Perhaps it’s a cosmic equation we’ll never understand.

MAYBE I'LL GO AGAIN NEXT YEAR ...

2006-03-03T15:34:00.000-08:00

I survived! Hallelujah!

In case you missed my last post, yesterday I went and gave a speech to 7th graders at the International School of Monterey (ISM) in Seaside, California. I was pretty nervous about it, too. Right up until about 30 minutes before my time to speak, I had no idea what I wanted to say. Several other presenters were going to simply introduce themselves to the class and then read a portion of a book to them.

And I thought, That was fine for younger kids. But 7th graders? They’ll fall asleep on me! So as I listened to the principal and teachers introduce us to the students, a thought popped into my head. I would NOT read to these young people. I would tell them about the stories in the MONTEREY SHORTS 2 anthology — and the research some of the authors went through — and see where that took me. Initially this sounded rather bland. I mean, who’d give a crap about this little book and any research that went into it. But delivering this material in a gripping way, I knew, could win over these kids.

My first focus would be on the girls. I needed to grab them, then try and hook the boys (mainly because, as I recalled from my own youth, guys at this age were interested in whatever the girls were because the guys were starting to get interested in girls). I told the class about a woman named Charlotte Layton who lived in the Pacific Grove area before it was even a town. I told them how she struggled with a wounded husband and watched him slowly die. Then, battling to keep food on the table, she became the first woman lighthouse keeper on the west coast. Right here! In our little nook of the world!

"Why was that such a big deal?" one girl asked.

"Good question," I said. "It’s a big deal because women didn’t have a lot of freedom and rights back then like they do today. Women didn’t hold such prestigious positions as ‘head lighthouse keeper.’"

"Oh."

Then I told the class about how I and another author went in search of the Monterey Pop festival of the 60s, driving around Monterey, and ended up gawking at Jimi Hendrix’s name carved onto the stage at the Monterey Fairgrounds.

"He carved his own name there?" a boy with curly blond hair asked.

"Yes he did," I answered.

"Wow," the boy said. "My dad loves Hendrix."

Then I told them how a famous stagecoach driver who beat-up bandits, wore a patch over one eye, drank like a fish, cussed like a trucker, and was the best stage whip in the West ...turned out to be a woman.

"No way!" they said.

"Yep," I replied. "And she’s buried in the Freedom Cemetery, just north of Watsonville. And, the fact that she was a woman masquerading as a man wasn’t the biggest shocker. The biggest shocker was that she was the first woman (we know of) to ever vote in the United States."

Every 7th grader, without exception, raised their hand to ask questions. They wanted to know how the authors found out all this ...stuff ...and why hadn’t anyone written about it before and was the lighthouse where Mrs. Layton lived still standing.

"Can I take my dad to see Jimi Hendrix’s name carved on the stage?" the blond boy asked.

"Yes you can," I said. And that was just about the last thing said before I had to leave. But I saw in their eyes that I had "caught on" with them. I hadn’t bored or talked down to them. I’d moved around the class and, when I replied to their queries, treated them like young men and women.

I think I had just as good a time as they did. At least, I hope so ...

SPEAKING TO OUR FUTURE [GULP!]

2006-03-01T15:28:00.000-08:00

I’m scared.

Tomorrow — as part of World Book Day 2006 — I’m scheduled to speak in front of hundreds of elementary school students about literature and its importance.

When I first decided to speak my thinking was that this would be pretty simple. Go in, talk a bit about reading, writing, and publishing, field a few questions, leave. But first impressions can be deceiving. Kids in this age-range here in the States tend to have an attention span of 3.5 seconds. So my biggest concern was how to grip their attention and hold it throughout my fifteen minute presentation.

Hmm...

Digging back into my childhood memories, I tried to remember what I was like during this time in my life. I recalled that I could hardly sit still in class, let alone listen to somebody babble on about a topic that held minimal interest for me. Fifteen minutes? That was, like, an eternity! Being a child has different rules, different mindsets, and distinctly different reasons about what you want to do and see.

So how to handle tomorrow...

Coming to terms with my advancing years, I decided to do something different. Kids are very tactile and visual, so the first thing I need to do is give them both and give it to them quickly. My writers group printed up postcards of our colorful cover art for the two anthologies we produced, so that felt like a good place to start. Give them something solid to hold onto, not just my words floating in one ear and out the other. Having watched some really good speakers in my day, I noted that most of the great ones never stood still. Sitting behind a podium and pontificating about the "need to read" won’t keep the kids' pliable minds on the subject, so I’m going to move around the room, make their eyes follow me, maybe wave my arms in an overly dramatic fashion when I come to a vital point.

Finally, I’m not going to talk down to them. Kids nowadays are watching planes bomb buildings in faraway lands, peeking at milk cartons with missing children on them, playing with X-Boxes, mini-DVD players, and other high-tech items which seem to make them grow-up faster than I ever remember doing (I played "Pong" when I was growing up. Anyone else?)

So my mind is resting a bit easier as I work on what I want to say to America’s future. I think. At least I know "how" to say it. Now I’ve got to work on "what". Oh God! Less than 24 hours to go!

FREEDOM OF THE PRESS MEETS THE PROPHET MOHAMMED

2006-02-18T10:06:00.000-08:00

Freedom of the press has been a staple of American culture since the initiation of the Constitutional Amendments — the First Amendment to be specific. Many nations have followed suit and we observe this sacrosanct "right" with pride and, sometimes, with caution.

Since the flames of political and religious fervor seem to be dying down somewhat, I’m feeling I can now write about a recent subject that plowed the First Amendment into the limelight. I’m speaking about the cartoon of the Prophet Mohammed which depicted him wearing a bomb-shaped turban. This illustration was the brainchild (brainfart?) of a Danish newspaper and first appeared in September 2005. The unrest that ensued caused deaths, bombings, financial crisis’ and a slew of other terrible events.

If you think I’m going to make some political commentary on this subject, think again. There’s been enough of that already. Plus I’m not claiming to be bright enough (or stupid enough) to make a statement that’ll somehow calm peoples nerves and settle this matter once and for all. There’s just too many variables to take into consideration. My father used to tell me that "opinions are like assholes, everyone has one." Since I also have both, I’m going to restrict one to prevent my becoming the other. But what I will do here is blog briefly about the effects literature has on the world at large and how they relate to the recent cartoon crisis.

Although cartoons may not necessarily fall into the realm of literature, you do have to observe and/or read them to "get" what they mean. I love reading Doonesbury because the cartoon panels are socially/politically relevant and, even if I don’t agree with what Garry Trudeau has to say in them, it always gets me to grin or cringe. Much of what Doonesbury covers relates back to the age of the hippy, too — question authority, stand up for your rights, don’t let "the man" push you around.

Newspapers are how a large percentage of the world’s population gets their information. So it shouldn’t be surprising when an article (or a cartoon) unleashes widespread change, discussion, or anger. During the U.S. Nixon administration, we all remember what happened when Woodward and Bernstein uncovered the Watergate debacle and published it in The Washington Post. Now that truly shows the power of the press and how the first amendment allowed these men to bring out the truth.

Films are becoming important in the world, too, and like cartoons they are a visual (and auditory) means of conveying a message and can have a huge impact on literature. For instance, the movie CAPOTE has brought out a readership resurgence for the book IN COLD BLOOD. THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA film has caused the old tomes to reach the bestseller lists again. And I have no doubt that the Ron Howard film THE DA VINCI CODE will make that book hit the #1 spot on many bestseller lists again. Of course, these films compete with such crap as BIG MOMMA’S HOUSE and THE CAVE — going to the theaters is sometimes risky to your intellect, so be careful.

I think we sometimes forget how lucky we are to live in a place (I’m speaking of the U.S.) where freedoms are actual "rights" and are written down in documents for all to see. Many countries don’t have this and the rights change with the political climate.

We have to "put up with" these rights, too, even if we don’t always agree with what they cover (i.e., pornography, liberalism versus conservatism, etc.).

So the next time you see an article, a cartoon, or a commentary on something that rankles your hide, remember that at least you live in a country where you have the right to see it, and that right is protected by law. And, of course, you also have the right to rebuke it. So shoot off a letter to the editor if you feel like it.

It’s your right.

EMAIL: A GOOD COMMUNICATION TOOL?

2006-02-02T09:06:00.000-08:00

As we move further into the 21st century, technology has made it easier and easier for us to communicate. Cell phones, palm pilots, treos, and, of course, e-mail are household names now, and I’d like to focus on one of these that may not necessarily aid us in our quest to understand one another ...

E-mail.

I recently had an e-mail correspondence with someone over a fairly simple subject—punctuation—and our tempers flared.

Why?

Are commas, semicolons, and capitalizations really that important? For writers (like me and the person I e-mailed), it is. But this subject usually isn’t something requiring blood pressure medication. The fault, I found, lay partially with me, partially with the other person, and definitely with the method of communication we were using: e-mail.

Much is lost in e-mail correspondences versus phone or in-person contact. Let me give you an example: "I liked the way your hair looked the other day." How many different ways can this be interpreted? Is the writer being honest? Sarcastic? Funny? Spiteful? It’s tough to say without knowing, in context, why exactly the e-mailer is writing about her hair, but you get the general idea.

So if an e-mail reddens your face and causes profanities to burst forth from your normally tepid mouth, pick up the phone and call the person ...or meet up with them for drinks. You and your blood pressure will be thankful. Trust me.

Coffee anyone?

GETTING OUT OF THE SLUSH PILE

2006-01-19T14:11:00.000-08:00

Writing is a hair-raising profession that few ever make a living at. The percentages are minuscule (some sources have it at less than 1%.) But there are ways to increase your odds of at least getting your manuscript out of the publishers’ slush piles and into the hands of senior editors, and I’m going to throw out a few pointers/suggestions that might help you get there.

Ready? Here we go ...

First, finish your story. If you want to approach an agent with a novel, you’d best have it all laid out (there are exceptions but this is a good rule to follow.) The last thing you want to do is to rush through the last twenty chapters of a novel if you get an agent’s acceptance letter. Having to hurry through the ending will undoubtedly cause your grand finale to suffer.

Learn proper manuscript format. If you’re not sure what this means, please click here.

Brush up on novel proposals and query letters. Find books on the subjects and learn as much as you can.

You must have a firm grasp of proper English (or whatever language you write in). If you have poor grammar, spelling, syntax, punctuation, etc., an agent won’t respond to you no matter how "good" your story might be. You suck at English? Take a class. I’m sure your junior college offers them. I’ve read books by self-published "authors" (and even a few professionally published ones) that suffer from horrid editing and a lack of understanding of basic English.

Learn how to write prose like your favorite author. You like Stephen King? Ray Bradbury? Charles Dickens? Try emulating their style.

Understand basic terminology when it comes to writing. Can you identify a pronoun? A verb? A prepositional phrase? A dangling participle? If you can’t, again, it’s time to head to the junior college and sign up.

Thus far I’ve been pretty broad but now let’s get a bit more specific.

Prose. Oh, that ugly word! What does it mean? If you look up the term in the dictionary it’ll define it as "ordinary speech or writing." But great prose is anything but ordinary. Would you call EAST OF EDEN by John Steinbeck ordinary? Or King’s THE SHINING? Or Tolkien’s THE HOBBIT? So how come these guys write so well? Is it in their genes? Not necessarily.

To help you with prose, let’s look at some common mistakes made by first time authors.

[WARNING: these rules are not written in stone but following some basic ones will help you break into the publishing world much easier.]

Tense issues. If you’re telling a story in past tense, make sure you stay there.

Examples: [Wrong] I walked around the block with Suzie at my side then went into her house for some refreshments. "Mmm. This is good tea," I say.
[Correct] I walked around the block with Suzie at my side then went into her house for some refreshments. "Mmm. This is good tea," I said.

Note: ‘say’ should’ve been ‘said’.

That was a pretty simple example but you get the general idea.

Another rule is "show, don’t tell." This is something I preach to every writer. There are circumstances where telling is appropriate, but for the most part you should be showing your reader things, not telling them.

Examples: [Wrong] She felt angry.
[Correct] She clenched her fists then thundered them onto the table.

Showing takes more words and time, but it also invests your reader in the characters and setting. You want to guide the reader into your story, not drag them through it on a leash. Never, ever, EVER say things like, ‘He was afraid to admit that he was ashamed of his past.’ What does this show us? Absolutely nothing.

Some authors, after being chastised for telling and not showing, make the mistake of doing both. Don’t fall into that trap.

Examples: [Wrong] She clenched her fists then thundered them onto the table. "You have made me angry! Why did you pick your nose during dinner?!"
[Correct] She clenched her fists then thundered them onto the table. "Why did you pick your nose during dinner?!"

Note: you don’t need to tell the reader this person is angry (in dialogue or otherwise). They know because you’ve shown it via her actions.

Okay, I’m done preaching ...for now. Tune in soon for more blathering from Byron The Fanatic!

INDEPENDENT BOOKSTORES NEED TO DO MORE

2006-01-17T10:23:00.000-08:00

"Independent booksellers are under attack."

"The large chain bookstores are running the smaller independents out of business."

"Why buy a book at the cover price when I can go to Barnes & Noble or Borders and get it for 20-40% less?"

I’ve heard these issues many times over the past decade but they were brought into a bit more focus when, this week, one of my favorite local bookstores (that’s been around for over forty years) decided to close its doors. The THUNDERBIRD BOOKSHOP has been an icon of the central California coast for as long as I’ve been alive, and it’s a horrible shame to see it fold up and blow away.

There have been multiple articles written about the plight of the indie bookstores and how they’re gradually vanishing off the brick and mortar radar screen; and it’s true. These "little-shops-that-could" are a comfort to many local book buyers, as well as tourists looking for local flavor rather than the impersonal service of the larger chain stores.

Having gushed about the necessity of indie stores, I find it necessary to also place some blame and possibly show a way to slow down this trend.

First, we need to look at the local scene. Let’s face it, local book buyers are what most indie stores need. They rely on repeat customers who are in the area year-round. Do you do this? Or do you jump in your car and race over to Borders and browse the 20% off rack? If you do drive over to your local chain store and bypass the indie, let me tell you how foolish you may be reacting. Most independents are located closer to town centers and thus are near enough for many people to walk to. If you drive to Borders for their discounts, how much are you really saving? In gas? Engine wear? Tire tread? If your local Barnes and Noble is five miles round trip, but the indie is only two or less, how much have you really saved? The answer is pretty obvious.

Nothing.

Secondly, some blame has to be placed on the independent stores themselves. Having seen the rapid expansion of chain stores and online booksellers, indie store owners must have had an inkling that this was coming. And what have they done to survive? Most have downsized (a major mistake). The Thunderbird Bookshop—that I mentioned at the beginning of this blog—did exactly this. Early on, the owner had a restaurant attached to the store so book buyers could purchase a novel then go and sit and enjoy a meal. There were also meeting rooms, and a metaphysical section with beads and crystals and cards. But the restaurant was sold off and the meeting rooms closed. The metaphysical area vanished, thus decreasing the size of the store in a huge fashion. The shop even closed its public restrooms, making people leave the store and walk down some stairs in order to find a bathroom. Does this sound appealing?

I must say, however, that I understand the mentality behind these moves. If you’re struggling to keep your doors open, you have to react, adjust, make changes. But are these the right ones? From my perspective (as a local book buyer) the answer is a resounding no.

So you may be asking, what IS the right move? That’s tough to say, but I’m going to stick my neck out here and chuck out some ideas ...

1. People love to do other things WHILE they’re browsing for a new book. They like to eat, drink coffee, sit in a chair, and read a few pages from this book or that. Indie stores need to have areas set aside for this. They don’t need huge swathes of real estate, just a few chairs, a small coffee bar (with quality coffee), and a snack counter. Something personal, cozy and appealing.

2. Online book purchasing has become very commonplace. Many students buy their books online now because they’re cheaper, delivered to their door, and can sometimes be purchased used. Why aren’t indie stores grouping together in their respective areas and promoting textbook sales in-house or online? They wouldn’t need to do this everyday, just when semesters are starting up in their section of the world, so inventory would only have to increase during certain times of the year.

3. Borders and Barnes & Noble are only part of the problem. Walmart, Longs Drugs, Safeway, and many other conglomerates have small book racks in their stores with discounted paperbacks. They buy in bulk because they’ve got thousands of stores spread out across the nation. How can a little independent bookseller compete with that? There are a couple of ways. First, the indie owner needs to go and see what types of books these places are offering and avoid overstocking them. They should focus on certain genres or other specialties that’ll appeal to locals and tourists alike. Perhaps they need a large murder mystery section. Or maybe a focus on local writers (John Steinbeck is pretty big in my area). Secondly, indie stores need to combine their strengths for buying power. To some extent, they have bonded together (the Northern California Independent Booksellers Association, etc.), but they’ve only done so much. They need to do more. This will cause some disagreements as certain indie stores want this while others want that, but if they wish to survive, it’s time to come to the compromising table.

4. Use the internet! Internet book sales are going through the roof. Having an easily accessed and aesthetically pleasing website is crucial if indie stores want to stay in business. Offer used books as well as new. Offer free delivery if a buyer purchases a certain amount. Send out postcards to households in the area that announces a local book selling website that’ll "match Amazon.com" in price and availability.

Having written all this, I need to say that I’m not a bookstore owner nor have I ever been one. These ideas come from watching the trend of indie closures as chain stores pop up everywhere.

I make no bones about it, these are tough times. But we need to be asking equally tough questions: How much are you REALLY saving by driving to the chain store? Why isn’t your local store doing more to tempt you into their doors? Does your independent book seller have a website? Why haven’t you checked it out?

OPEN ROAD/OPEN MIND

2005-12-27T10:29:00.000-08:00

One of the dreaded questions often asked of authors at book signings is "Where do you get your ideas?" If you ever have the opportunity to watch a writer respond to this thorny question, pay attention to their eyes and I guarantee you’ll see them roll ...just a bit.

The reason this is not a favorite question is because authors often don’t know where idea formation comes from; it might come while looking at a snail edging along a leaf, watching a warplane on the news bombing a building, or suddenly pop up in a dream.

But, as a writer, if you’re having trouble coming up with new ideas, try a road trip. And I don’t mean speeding 90 mph down an interstate trying to make it to a destination before nightfall. I mean driving leisurely down back-roads with a cooler in the backseat, a camera, and some pen and paper.

I recently took the opportunity to do just this, and living in California one might wonder how I could possibly tract across anything remotely back-roadish in such a well-populated State. It really isn’t that tough, because California is only densely peopled in the southwestern and coastal areas. The rest of the State’s inhabitants are sprinkled liberally here and there, with spots of vast emptiness in certain areas. One of these empty locations I decided to visit in December: the Sonoran Desert region that borders Arizona. Recalling the words of an explorer in Australia who said a desert is "Any barren tract of land that is truly dangerous to cross with camels," going here might give some pause when deciding to take a mini-vacation. But winter time in desert regions can be remarkably beautiful.

I visited the tiny city of Mecca and edged up to the Salton Sea. I meandered through Joshua Tree National Park and saw trees and plants that resembled life on another planet. I ate at Mom-and-Pop restaurants in Yucca Valley and rubbed shoulders with locals. I skirted by military installations at Twentynine Palms. I witnessed the troubling shanty-like homes of farm workers only 45 minutes away from the oozing wealth of La Quinta and Palm Desert; now tell me there aren’t a few stories seeping out of this little paragraph!

California isn’t the only State where you can do this, obviously, so give it a try in your area. Pull out a map and look at a lonely stretch of seldom used highway that wiggles itself through a section of land you’ve never dreamt of visiting. Is it calling to you?

Go on. You know you want to see it.

READ WHAT YOU WANT TO WRITE

2005-12-09T15:05:00.000-08:00

"I don't read much because I don't want what I read to influence my writing."

"I'm afraid if I read other writers in the genre I might unconsciously plagiarize."

I've heard these two statements from many, many writers (mostly unpublished), and you know what I say to this? Bullllllshit.
If you want to write well, you need to be well read yourself (i.e., have a grasp of what sells and what your target audience likes). My grandfather had an incredible library and after his death the family had to go through it and decide what to keep and what to donate to local libraries. It was a daunting task considering the hundreds and hundreds of tomes he kept (the entire downstairs area of his home in Washington had been pure bookshelves). But it was also a serious eye-opener for me. The reason many of his novels were so popular is that he had an insightful understanding into the minds of his readers; he knew what they wanted because he'd read so much of the material. And no one had ever accused him of plagiarism (although George Lucas was accused---for a time---of stealing some of my grandfather's ideas for his STAR WARS films).

In the not-so-distant past, I'd vented my frustration to writers I know about their lack of understanding in the genre they were trying to write in. And they'd responded with one of those comments that started this post.

So it was with great relief that I received my copy of Writer's Digest Magazine today and found an article entitled 'Read Like a Writer' by Linda Parker (pg. 44, January 2006). The gist of the article is this: "You should read a lot. A careful reader can easily pick up trade secrets from writers they love." The piece mentions how to figure plots, transitions, and character development into your own story by figuring out how the pros do it.

I was also pleased to see a story on Pulitzer Prize winning author Jane Smiley in this same Writer's Digest Magazine edition. And what was this article about? Well, it was about how reading over 100 novels helped her get out of a writing rut and aided her in producing another great nonfiction title called THIRTEEN WAYS OF LOOKING AT THE NOVEL. So not only can reading help a writer with their own story ideas, it can also create new opportunities.

So when authors come to me and say those terrible lies about how they don't want other writers' works to influence their own, you know what I'll say...

IN THE NAME OF PEACE

2005-12-08T14:57:00.000-08:00

Today is the 25th anniversary of John Lennon's assassination, and although I don't like celebrating assassination dates (personally I'd prefer to remember his birthday or when he first arrived on the music scene), I felt obliged to write a bit about this sentinel event.

Some of you may be wondering why I'm mentioning this on a blog site dedicated to writing and publishing. Well, not only was John a song writer, he was also an author, actor, film producer, and a political spokesperson. Americans feel terribly drawn to his music just as much as his homeland folks from England. His marriage to Yoko Ono sent ripples of woe through his fandom (I've personally spoken with several older women who swooned when they learned of his new wife). And his talent as a song writer went unmatched during his lifetime; some might argue that it is still unmatched.

For some reason whenever I see Kathy Bates in her role as Annie Wilkes in the film Misery, I always think of John Lennon's death. And although Misery was a work of fiction and what happened to John most certainly was not, the two resonate together in my mind (a crazed fan doing the unthinkable to someone they idolize). <shiver>

At any rate, it's always nice to remember what John Lennon accomplished during his short tenure here on Earth. His music helped coalesce the peace movement during the Vietnam War era. His political activism polarized nations. And his love of life spread over any who came into contact with him. That's why I'm writing this today. Not because it's "the day John Lennon got shot", but because his message of love, peace and questioning our leaders still stands out in my mind. And that's what many great writers (be it of songs or of fiction) always hope to accomplish whenever they put pen to paper.

SOLUTIONS FOR WRITER'S BLOCK

2005-12-04T10:39:00.000-08:00

When I sit in front of a blank computer screen and try to write, I sometimes lock-up. My mind shuts down, brain cells sputter and I generally start panicking. Writer’s block has reared its ugly head!

Must write.

Must write.

Must write.

Adding more pressure or making up excuses—too much noise, too many distractions, too many other things I need to do—doesn’t help either. I consider most of that bullshit anyway. Sitting down is easy. Getting the ideas to come is the hard part. So if you’re like me, and want to get the ball rolling, you’ll need to use a few strategies to keep the creative juices flowing.

First, turn off all the phones or place them on silent. Nothing can damage your ability to write more than being interrupted during a pivotal scene or plot concept. <Riiiing! You throw up your hands and say, "I give up!>

Second, find a place that’s quiet and comfortable. This allows you to relax and free your mind from other internal interruptions (Did I empty the dishwasher?).

Third, if you’ve already written some on the story, go back and read the last two pages to get you "into the groove." This will put your mind on track with the story and help direct where you need to go next, and this can be a huge hurdle if you’re experiencing writer’s block.

Fourth, just type. Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you write, just as long as you’re doing it. Even if it’s the worst crap you’ve ever put forth, let it come out. It’s okay to write material you’d never even consider using as toilet paper. Once it’s out of your system, chances are you’ll start producing some worthy material. And finally, contact a friend/family member who writes or knows writing and tell them you’re having trouble. See if they can give you advice on how to get back to your story. But don’t spend all day on the phone (Mr. or Mrs. Procrastinator). After they’ve given you the spark you need, let your fingers fly over the keyboard!

Okay. Are you still reading this? Why! Get to work!

CRITIQUE GROUPS

2005-11-20T11:28:00.000-08:00

Critique Groups: Are You Up to the Challenge?

by Byron Merritt

Getting a writing critique group up and running can be pretty dicey. I know. I’ve done it and it’s been fun and, at times, trying. But the group I belong to has been active for six years and is still going strong. Wanna know how to go about starting your own successful critique group? Read on ...

GETTING STARTED: The first thing to do is check around town and find active critique groups that are already up and running. See if they’re accepting new members. If they’re not, ask if you can sit in on one of their sessions to see if critiquing's right for you. This will give you ideas to help start your own group, and maybe even point out some dos and don’ts. If you find a group willing to accept you, great. If not — or if they’re not doing the kind of critique you want (non-critique, soft, hard, etc.) — it’s time to form your own. To get started you’ll need to find writers who are of the same mind as you. Most internet service providers (AOL, etc.) have member directories that list bios. Find people in your area that are interested in writing and shoot them an e-mail. Put flyers up at local bookstores, laundromats, and other billboard locations announcing the formation of a writers critique group (make sure to put down your contact information, especially an e-mail address.) After you’ve got a sizeable number of people interested, find a meeting location — someone’s house, a coffee shop, a bookstore, your local library, etc. — and let your members decide on a date and time to meet (be aware that you won’t be able to get 100% consensus on this so don’t even try; go with the majority.)

YOUR FIRST MEETING: Time to set the ground-rules, and the members of your group should help formulate them. What type of critiquing do you want to do? How will submissions occur? Via the internet? Through the postal service? At the meetings? How many people can submit at one time? How long should the meetings be? How long should submissions be? How often should you meet? If there’s a point of contention (and believe me, there will be), how will it be solved? These are just a few of the items awaiting you during that first meeting. You shouldn’t do any critiquing here. This time is dedicated to the group’s layout and framework so that, later on, it’s smooth sailing.

SETTING UP CRITIQUING: You’ll need to arrange a critiquing schedule. If you’ve got only eight members, you might want half of them to submit one time and the other half at the next meeting. Much of this will depend on the number of members you have, how long the submissions are and how frequently you meet.

DURING CRITIQUES: Critiques are not always easy to swallow. Having someone manhandle a beloved manuscript can cause blood pressures to rise and tempers to flare. To help keep critiques on a slow simmer, you should have the critiquers point out the positive aspects of the material before moving on to areas that "need improvement." This helps season the critique with equal parts good and not-so-good. Make sure the critiques don’t go on too long. Their focus should be on plot, prose, narrative flow and the overall quality of the story. Don’t get hung up on punctuation, spelling, grammar, etc. That’ll come later.

WHY CRITIQUE: Remember why you’re there: to help each other become more proficient at the art of writing. When giving and receiving critiques, make sure you keep that at the forefront of your gatherings. This will keep everyone focused and not devolve them into unnecessary bashings and hurting feelings. Remind members why you’re together ...often

CONTROLLING MEETINGS: Don’t let meetings spiral out of control. These sessions should not be social gatherings (although food and drink is good.) You’re here to help and be helped. When someone is giving a critique, there should be no interruptions, even from the author of the material. Everyone should finish their critiques uninterrupted and ONLY THEN should the author be allowed to speak. This will keep the meetings moving forward and prevent back and forth arguments, as well as ensuring critiques don’t come to a standstill.

BE POSITIVE: Even if you’re forced to review the worst "crap" you’ve ever read, put a positive spin on it. Tell the writer why you found the material unattractive and show them ways to improve. Don’t just say, "This is garbage!" and walk away. Remember, even amongst trash there is often a glimmer of something substantial. Point it out. Help them build their ideas. Get into their stories with them. This will show genuine interest and will make the writer feel valued. However, you should NEVER re-write someone’s story. This doesn’t help them at all. Authors often feel insulted if you re-write their work, and it doesn’t help them grow.

ENDING MEETINGS: At the end of every session, make sure you thank everyone for coming and mention when the next meeting is and who’s going to be submitting. All the members then know what to expect. Surprises can cause conflict, so try to avoid them whenever possible.

Want to know how my group functions? Keep reading ...

Now that I’ve given you some ideas on how to set up a critique group, let me tell you about FWOMP (Fiction Writers of the Monterey Peninsula), the group I helped form and how we operate.

Our first meeting took place in January of 2000 at a local bookstore in Monterey. Over 30 writers showed up, which was waaaaaay too many. I was a bit freaked out by this because I had no idea that many authors in my area were looking for a critique group. And it turns out several of these weren’t really looking for what I was. They wanted this new group to "get them published." As soon as they learned we weren’t doing that, they drifted away, which still left us with about 25 people.

We’d decided to perform a short exercise to find out where everyone lay with respect to their writing abilities. What we did was put pieces of paper into a hat and pass it around. Everyone took one piece of paper and on them were written a person, place and thing (for instance, a prostitute, the Berlin Wall and a horse saddle ...don’t get kinky!) They were required to come up with a 1,000 word (maximum) short story which incorporated these three items and submit it to the group. This proved to be an excellent method for finding out where everyone’s writing strengths and weakness lay, and we all had a whooping good time writing and reading them.

As the next few months went by, we lost more writers and dwindled down to ten solid members. Our critiques, it was decided, would be hard-nosed. We weren’t going to be a social group, celebrating birthdays and meeting for holidays. We were dedicated to the written word and to helping each other improve our skills, come what may.

We decided to meet once a month — Saturday afternoons — for four hours. There would be three or four submitters per month and they would send out their submissions via e-mail attachment at least five days in advance of the meetings; submission length set at 15 pages, double-spaced, in Times New Roman 12-point font. This gave members time to critique stories in the comfort of their own homes, then come together at the selected meeting date and give a face to face critique. "Why not just do an online critiquing session?" you may be asking. Because much gets lost in translation during online critiques. Face to face forces you to address the author directly and for him/her to address you. Although this might not sound like a large issue, it is. Trust me. Try it and see.

Our meetings are lively and the discussions sometimes loud, but we’re respectful of one another and know our boundaries (after six years, we’d better!) For instance, if someone tries to respond while they’re being critiqued, another member will "shush" them or give them a friendly elbow in the side, a reminder that they need to wait until all critiques are finished before responding.

Critiques focus first on the positive aspects of the material before delving into the negative points. Always.

I know I mentioned earlier the trap of devolving into a social gathering, and although we aren’t a social group we do have social discussions at meetings. But we don’t let them take over our purpose, which is to read, write and improve our abilities.

Find out what FWOMP is up to by clicking here.

The Trouble With Googles

2005-11-13T08:56:00.000-08:00

On the surface, the giant search engine Google's planned launch of "Google Print"-- an entire library downloaded onto the internet-- sounded like a great idea. Just imagine never having to go to the library again. No wasting of gas to drive downtown. No extra effort searching through volumes of useless spines staring at you from dusty shelves. Anyone with internet access would easily be able to find some lost piece of literature tucked into a pop-open computer file. Sound cool?
Probably. That is unless you're a writer, publisher or book marketer. If you're involved in one of those three "industries", you're likely a bit hot around the collar. It's no small matter to you. Because financially we're talking about millions of dollars and thousands of jobs.

From the writer's perspective, one has to remember how authors get paid. Advances (if you're J.K. Rowling or Stephen King) and Royalties. Royalties are the miniscule percentage that author's receive every time one of their titles sell. I can already here the arguments about this: "But these are library books. Authors won't make money on them anyway."

Wrong.

How do libraries acquire those books? They buy them from the publishers, thus generating cash for them to keep doing business and for writers to keep writing.

Book marketers would be devastated as they would have a major outlet (the libraries) taken away. Jobs would be lost by their thousands.

I'm not an alarmist but I believe that Google has overstepped their boundaries here. The financial implications are too broad to simply say "Yeah, we should do this because it's easy." The questions we should be asking are "Why?" Why is it important to set up this "Google Print" library? Why do we need almost all the books in the world digitalized? What will happen to our libraries, librarians (another job cut?) and authors? How vital is it that we sit on our asses in front of a computer and never leave our homes?

There are tons of copyright protections for film and now music. Why is print being left out?

As the lawsuits against Google pile up and the general population wonder what the hell is going on, we need to be asking questions.

Understanding Grandpa

2005-11-12T17:26:00.000-08:00

I didn’t really understand who (or what) my grandfather was until I was in my teens. He’d written some of the best-selling science fiction books in literary history, had rubbed shoulders with the famous film director David Lynch, science fiction hotshot Arthur C. Clarke and had even been "in the know" with Washington senators during his early writing career.

But even when I began to understand the magnitude of Grandpa’s influence, it still didn’t have much of an impact on me. I mean, I was just a kid and kid’s priorities are quite different. I was in lust with a lithe young girl named Trisha and worked steadily to gain her adoration. I rode motorcycles, destroyed motorcycles (and nearly myself along with them) and repaired motorcycles. I played baseball. Why should I be interested in the "ancient" history of my grandfather’s life and work?

Time changes all things...

My mother and father allowed me to visit my grandfather for several summers before Bev, my grandmother, took ill and passed away. But during these summer visits I began to appreciate what this "Frank Herbert" guy had accomplished. Here was a man who supported himself and his wife by writing words. Words! And not only did he support himself but he owned houses in Hawaii, Alaska and Washington.

One day we went out shopping together and the area we were running around had a bookstore. The owner of the store recognized him and asked him to come in and autograph a stock of Dune books they’d just gotten in. So we strode in and I watched him start autographing a stack of them. Book browsers wandered by and took notice. A crowd slowly built, and the little favor turned into a task. Fans wanted pictures with him, or an autograph on the back of a business card they’d yanked from a wallet or purse. Others bolted out front and told anyone walking past that Frank Herbert was here. "He’s here!" Someone asked who I was and I told them. Photos were taken of me and that’s when Grandpa stood up, turned me around and left the store. The owner of the bookstore later apologized for the fiasco and my grandfather had graciously accepted it.

It was immediately after this event that a glimmer of understanding winked into existence in the back of my mind. This guy, my grandfather, was famous. Whoa. Famous. My family. This felt bizarre. I’d never met anyone famous, let alone someone close to me who was.

I once asked my grandfather if he felt "famous".

"No. Just bothered," he’d said. And although this was a way of poking fun at himself, I now know there was some seriousness to it, too. He guarded his privacy like a pitbull. His sanctuary was his upstairs loft in the Port Townsend, Washington home. He’d pull himself up every morning before sunlight peeked above the horizon and disappear for hours, working on his latest creation, chatting with Bill Ransom—a co-author he enjoyed working with—and/or exercising on a stationary bicycle.

When he died on February 11, 1986, I had just come to understand how amazing, how unique, this man I called "Grandpa" was.

And he still is ...at least in my mind.

Market Thyself!

2005-11-12T08:06:00.000-08:00

When a fiction author decides to self-publish, I often wonder if they know what lay ahead for them. Because printing a book doesn’t make it "published," nor does it make it sell. Someone actually has to buy and read the novel (besides family and friends), maybe through Amazon.com or via the writer’s own website (more on this in a minute.)

"Publication" revolves around several aspects, which include: editing/critiquing of the work prior to print, ISBN purchase, artwork (cover and internal), book layout/design, blurbs/reviews, garnering sales locations and, finally, marketing.

Much of this can be handled prior to sending the book off to a printer. But sales locations and marketing come after; you need a product in your hand for these two things to happen. And finding sales locations can be as easy as shaking hands with local bookstore managers and placing the novel under their noses. Most area bookstores where I live love to support local authors.

But marketing is an entirely different animal. I know this from firsthand experience, and it usually involves the following formula: "Made ten contacts last week. Only one returned my call. May cost money I don’t have."

Sound disheartening? Welcome to the world of marketing yourself...

Most self-published authors don’t have money to fling around, so managing your marketing dollar so that you get the most bang for your buck becomes paramount. Having the spine of your book sitting on a bookshelf surrounded by ten thousand other titles just ain’t gonna cut it. So what can you do?

First, get a website. You can find cheap servers out there that’ll charge you less than $100 per year. Problem: if you’re not familiar with HTML or have no experience being a webmaster, you’ll need to hire someone to do it for you (more $$). But there are free blog sites out there—like this one—that can make website management pretty easy. The only problem might be the blog’s limitations (Can you set up a PayPal account to make sales? How many gigabytes of space do they offer? How many pages are you allowed?) But make no mistake, websites are your best friend when it comes to marketing. You can set up monthly updates and, if you’re lucky, a group of followers who are interested in what you have to say and what’s happening with your books might spring up.

Second, get postcards made up with your cover art on them. This is probably the cheapest and most effective marketing tool in your arsenal. They cost pennies to produce and you can hand them out by their thousands. Mail them to friends, family, and acquaintances. Ask your local bookstores to put them on their counters; they make nifty free bookmarks.

Third, you need to get hold of every newspaper and periodical in your area and let them know about your book. And I don’t mean calling and leaving a message. You need to get the name of someone at the newspaper or magazine and set up a meeting with them. Sit down and shake hands. Get some face-to-face time in no matter how long it takes to get the meeting arranged.

Fourth, spend a few dollars to get blow-ups of your cover—this can usually be done at Kinko’s or some other overnight copy place. Glue them to poster boards and see if your local independent store will display them on a highly visible counter.

Fifth, set up a booth at local street fairs (4th of July events, Spring Break Celebrations, etc.) Sell your books and promote yourself. Have some appealing colors at your booth that pull people to you, thus allowing you to plug your book. You may not always make money at these but you will get notice put on your book and this may generate sales at local bookstores after the event (Remember why people often buy Nike shoes or eat at McDonald’s? Product recognition.)

So that ought to get you started. There are other marketing ideas out there, but chances are they’ll cost you more money than they’re worth.

Can Literature Survive An Image-Conscious America?

2005-11-03T06:35:00.000-08:00

It used to be that I could go to a bookstore and, nearly at random, pick a book, buy it and take it home and enjoy it. I'd devour the novel in a few short days and end up back at the store picking up another and getting to know the store clerks on a first name basis. Since I'm only 40 years old, it doesn't seem like that long ago that I was doing this.

But how the times are a-changin'. How?

Let's look at the publishing industry for just a moment. Back in my getting-to-know-the-clerks-by-first-name days, the reason I found novels so appealing was how they were put together, how well they were edited, and the thought-provoking -- or at least very entertaining -- prose. The publishers took the time to nurse an author along if there were any structural problems and they had great editors and proofreaders who knew what "conjugating a verb" meant. But recently I had to ask myself when it was that I last read a book that didn't have at least a few editorial issues that could've easily been caught by someone with keen proofreading eyes. Is Simon & Schuster employing 8th graders to proof their authors' manuscripts? Does Random House employee an editorial staff with any knowledge of grammar?

So when (and where) did producing a quality product take a backseat in the publishing biz? I can't really say when or where this happened; perhaps it was a gradual tumble that turned into an avalanche (I suspect this is the case). But whenever and wherever it occurred, one thing is certain: there are no signs that the trend is reversing. Pretty sad.

The evidence for this can be directly attributed to several factors. First, and not surprising, is money. It's what drives the publishing industry; if they don't make money, they're out of business. I heard a rumor not long ago that stated the only reason the big publishers are still out there is because of a select few writers who's stories net tons of cash and make up for losses incurred by those books that don't sell as well. The "Big Three" were said to be J.K. Rowling (no surprise there), Dan Brown (THE DA VINCI CODE), and thrill-writer and veteran Stephen King. The rumor reports that between the three of them their net worth is over $150 million (see Forbes Magazine).

But even within these three towering examples of literary success' books, one can find a terrible level of editing and proofing (yes, even in the Harry Potter series). THE DA VINCI CODE has many, too. And, although King's horror books are pretty clean structurally, their content and the author's imaginative prose has seemed to suffer greatly as the years trundled by. I love Mr. King's early works -- IT freaked me out and so did THE SHINING -- but his latest works have been, well, let's just say, "less than engaging" (see THE COLORADO KID and FROM A BUICK 8 as prime examples).

I'm guessing, too, that there's probably a large turn-over rate in proofreaders at these publishing conglomerates, which would also be a factor in finding errors in the manuscript. If Mr. Hillbilly College-Graduate is looking for a job and will work for peanuts just to get his foot in the door, you'd better believe that John Q Publisher will hire him (again, it's all about the money).

The other and completely nauseating aspect that I see as a problem is the "dumbing down" of American culture (especially when it comes to literacy). Readers just don't seem to care about these fundamental flaws anymore or, more likely, don't pick up on them because of limited reading skills and a poor understanding of English. Instead they'd rather worry if their hair looks like Jennifer Aniston's, or have "racks" that come close to Pamela Anderson's. Have we become so materialistic and image-conscious that the basic structure of the written word no longer matters?

These are some tough issues that readers and the general populace need to be discussing. But I fear that will probably never come to pass as long as reruns of Friends are still on and the audience for Stacked continues to grow.

I'm not going to leave this blog on that sour note, though. There are beacons of hope that have been out there for some time and even a new arrival on the literary scene that breathed some fresh air into my battered reading sail. A great little book that's in its gazillionth printing is Strunck and Whites THE ELEMENTS OF STYLE. This little guide made its first appearance in 1957 and has been selling strong on college campuses ever since. Every serious writer should have a copy near-at-hand.

The other, newer shining light is EATS, SHOOTS & LEAVES by British-born writer, Lynne Truss. This amazing and funny book on punctuation actually made it to the NY Times Best Seller list, which makes me hold out a glimmer of hope that somewhere out there are readers and writers who still care about the finished product.

The Current Values/Stigma of Self-Publishing

2005-10-30T12:24:00.000-08:00

Self-publishing during the 70s, 80s and early 90s had a terrible stigma attached to it. You often heard things like, "Oh, so you self-published. Guess you weren't good enough to get a regular publisher." To some extent this was true.

Now here we are in the 21st century and there are still many--and I mean millions--of fiction writers who think their work is "the best thing ever written". I've personally heard this from several "authors" and, upon looking at their work, it was quite evident they had little to no grasp of plot, character development or several other vital aspects of the art (which included spelling, grammar and syntax).

Occasionally I encountered those would-be writers who had a degree in English from Harvard. Their work tended to be flawless when it came to the nuts and bolts of writing (spelling, etc.), but lacked depth, character development and/or a sustainable prose.

Thus these authors would rush toward the self-publishing option with gusto, knowing in their heart of hearts that, again, this was "the best thing ever written".

But then you have the writer who actually has a decent product: good prose, sizeable knowledge-base of basic English, and fully rounded characters. How in the world can he/she stand out in the polluted world of the self-published heap? The truth is they can't. Or, if they did, they got very lucky somehow (see the story of how ERAGON got published). Not getting picked up by a major publishing house (Simon & Schuster, etc.), these writers and their good books easily get overlooked--there is, after all, only so much time in each day for readers at these huge conglomerates to pick and choose manuscripts from, while the rest end up in the infamous slush-piles. So the only option open to these writers is the self-publishing method or, if you're John Kennedy Toole, to kill yourself during a fit of depression (Note: see A Confederacy of Dunces, winner of the 1981 Pulitzer Prize).

And to add insult to injury, there are these vanity presses that come off as "publishing houses" who pounce on authors and tell them they can get their book published for a certain amount of money. These businesses--I hesitate to even call them that--are the lowest of the low, feeding off an author's desperation to see their work get put into print. These "publishers" offer editing services (for an additional price), cover art design (also extra $$), but usually no critique of the novel. PublishAmerica is just one of these but there are many, many others.

So the horrible truth about finding a readable self-published book is often to scrounge through the delusional many in order to find the excellent few.

Being an avid reader, author interviewer, book/film reviewer and (gulp!) writer, I've had the opportunity to read some of the worst self-published junk the human mind has to offer. But I've also on rare occasions come across little gems, diamonds in the rough (if you'll excuse the cliche).

One book that surprised me quite a bit was The King of Vinland's Saga by Stuart Mirsky. Although not the end-all of self published books, it has good writing, excellent editing, and an engaging story with multifaceted characters.

Another great read from self-publishers was Monterey Shorts and Monterey Shorts 2 by FWOMP (Fiction Writers of the Monterey Peninsula). A collection of short stories, these two anthologies have a lot going for them. First, they've been edited extremely well. Second, the stories are engaging and short enough to make you move onto the next. Third, there's a map, author bios and some great little pieces of art that accompany the beginning of each story.

There are other readable tomes out there, too. But finding them might be a challenge. My advice: don't give up on the self-published author. Some have the delusions of grandeur I mentioned earlier and need medicating, while others could easily stand on their own as sources of excellent literature.

Seek and you may find...